Posts tagged Netflix
Money Lessons for Grownups from the Netflix series "The Squid Game”

The Squid Game is an intense look at the desperate measures people will take to get out of debt. While the story is fiction, the lessons we can take away about class divide, the reckless choices made when in debt, and the way money can reveal someone’s true character, are hitting home with so many of us.  ** spoiler alert**

 
Squid Game Instagram (1).png

Money Lessons for Grownups from the Netflix series "The Squid Game”

  • You can’t judge people‘s wealth and success based on appearances.

  • Money makes us do illogical, and often illegal things.

  • Manage the pressure otherwise it will consume you.

  • Betrayal comes from the people you trust the most.

  • Strength is not always stronger.

  • Wealthy people can abuse the vulnerability of people who have financial problems.

 

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Full Transcript:

Bobbi Rebell:
I hope you guys are all celebrating some big adulting milestones this season and you know what? Finding the perfect gift for those celebrations can be kind of tough. I have the solution over at grownupgear.com. We have adorable hats, totes, mugs, pillows, Ts and seriously, the most cozy and comfortable sweatshirts.

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Bobbi Rebell:
You're listening to Money Tips for Financial Grownups with me, certified financial planner, Bobbi Rebell, author of How to Be a Financial Grownup and you know what? When it comes to money being a grownup is hard but together we've got this.

Bobbi Rebell:
Hey, grownups, welcome back. We are going to do something very special this week, starting with having back my number one, most favorite ever co-host, Mr. Neil Kaufman, aka, my husband. Welcome back, Neil.

Neil Kaufman:
Back on popular demand and for those of you that sent me fan letters, thank you. I appreciate it.

Bobbi Rebell:
Yes, Neil is poised to become a regular co-host on this show. And speaking of regular, a lot of the regular listeners do know that you were featured in our summer watch series where we talked about money related streaming shows and the lessons from them. Well, as of now, we're not going to do a whole series for fall, but there is a show that everyone, including Mr. Neil Kaufman, I should say, everyone is talking about that has some pretty intense money lessons.

Bobbi Rebell:
That show is the Netflix series, the Squid Game. Neil and I have been watching the series. We've already had some pretty intense discussions about it and so of course, I recruited him to come back to the podcast. So Neil, welcome.

Neil Kaufman:
Thank you. We're here to talk about Squid Game, which for those of you that have been I guess living under a rock and don't know about the Squid Game or haven't seen it yet, because it's the most popular show in lots of countries, it's a nine episode series about the lives of 456 people, all who need money.

Neil Kaufman:
They need it for lots of different reasons. They come from all walks of life. Some of drowning in debt, desperate for not being able to pay off their debt. Some people are thugs. Some people are white collar. Some people are just unlucky. But what they all have in common is they need money and they are willing to participate, willingly, they want to participate in this game to try and survive.

Neil Kaufman:
And they've got to play six Korean children's games where if you're the winner you're going to get a large sum of money, $46 billion Won, which is $38 million U.S. dollars. It's a high stakes game.

Bobbi Rebell:
It's a lot of money. Okay. So I want to make sure everybody knows that we have watched all of the episodes and we are not going to be able to remember what to say and what not to say so there will be spoilers. So this is your cue, if we've interested you in watching the Squid Game and you haven't watched it yet, pause. Go watch it. It's nine episodes.

Bobbi Rebell:
So for most people they could binge it in a day or two. For me, because I fall asleep during everything, it took a little bit longer but Neil was patient. Go watch the Squid Game and then come back right here. This is where the spoilers are going to start. Starting with the fact that the main character is presented as sympathetic but a lot of eye rolls.

Bobbi Rebell:
I mean, he's massively in debt. He gambles away money that his mom ... By the way, he's 40 something and living with his mom, speaking of not being a financial grownup, of course. He's asking her for more money to buy his daughter a birthday present. He gambles it.

Bobbi Rebell:
All kinds of things happen but just the characters, it's not like they're all that sympathetic. A lot of them are basically making big money mistakes on their own and trying to find get rich quick schemes to begin with. Right, Neil?

Neil Kaufman:
He's a likable guy but he's a schlump. It's just the guy, he does everything wrong. He's divorced. He's a gambler. I mean, he's got all the classic tell-tale signs of just being a not responsible person, both financially and emotionally. I mean, he doesn't even maintain a decent relationship with his daughter. I mean, or his mother.

Neil Kaufman:
Yes, he lives with his mom and we've heard that story all too often but he betrayed his mom. He canceled the insurance, her health insurance, which no shock there, an aging woman, she needed the insurance.

Bobbi Rebell:
Yeah, that's another big spoiler. It comes up later. The other spoiler is that he wins money gambling. Okay, so now in theory you would think he would use this money that's he's gambled ... he wins on this horse betting, which is another thing that comes up. They're betting on horses. Is it different to bet on horses than humans? Think about that, everyone that's seen the show.

Bobbi Rebell:
But, he wins a huge amount of money and instead of using it to pay off his debt he starts gambling away with it again. He doesn't pay off the debt that owes. He gives a big tip to the person in the window and he wants to go shopping and buy extravagant things for his daughter that he's promising her all this stuff.

Bobbi Rebell:
Even when he gets her a present he does it through a gambling game, a children's game where he picks a present, which later on ... We don't have to spoil this but let's just say it's not a child appropriate gift that he ends up getting her and it's really just the ultimate symbol that this guy just can do no right and he's his own worst enemy really.

Bobbi Rebell:
So, Neil, we've set up the premise, we've got this guy, fast forward a little bit. He runs into someone who's effectively a salesman who convinces him to go into this game and he meets a van, gets gassed so he doesn't know where he's going. And he ends up in a dorm with 455 other people who are competing in this contest and basically they say that anyone that is not eliminated at the end of six children's games will win a huge prize of money. As you mentioned, the equivalent of $38 million. But there's more to it.

Neil Kaufman:
Yeah. So they're playing these games but they don't realize it until they get into the first game, what it's really all about. So the idea is some people win the game, some people lose the game. If you lose, by the rules that are put in place, you are effectively eliminated from the game. And elimination means death.

Bobbi Rebell:
Right. And note, for the very first game they don't know that. They just know you're eliminated and they assume, I think understandably, that they would just go home. It becomes clear very quickly and it's a very gory scene that being eliminated is death.

Bobbi Rebell:
So after that, through a little TMI, we won't get into it. The players do choose to go home. They end the game and they play one game and by going home they have forfeited the opportunity to win the money and they go back to their dreary lives. And we talked about the main character but many of the other characters have very unfortunate situations with money.

Bobbi Rebell:
They're all desperate for money, to either save face. There's an immigrant theme here, to get their relatives out of North Korea, into Korea, to feed their families. To pay off gambling debts. All kinds of different reasons why people need the money. As Neil mentioned, white collar crime and so on.

Bobbi Rebell:
They go back to their lives. What's shocking to me is that of the people that go back to their lives and have the opportunity to not die in pursuit of this money, 87% of them choose voluntarily to participate in a life or death game where it's pretty logical that most of the people are not going home with the millions of dollars.

Neil Kaufman:
I think it really shows the desperation. So they went into the game originally knowing or not really knowing that much about it but after they realize that it was a fight to the death and they would actually potentially sacrifice their life and they go back home.

Neil Kaufman:
They willingly reenter it a second time, knowing what the consequences of their actions are. It may cost them everything but they're so desperate they'll still go ahead and play the game. 87% of them come back, which is really ... it just ... it boggles the mind.

Bobbi Rebell:
It is shocking and it also is shocking how the characters evolve through this process because they're in this bubble and they're not in contact with the real world any more. They're just in this world where they're surrounded by their ... in some cases they try to form teams and this and that but who's on your team can be very confusing. And it's confusing to know who to trust. And that's something that also goes to the theme of money, right, Neil?

Neil Kaufman:
It's really interesting. I'll tell you, choosing who's on your team, who's not on your team, I mean, I thought there was a part of the show where they were choosing teams for tug-of-war and nobody, nobody wanted to choose either the women or the old man to be on their team.

Bobbi Rebell:
Wait, but spoiler, we didn't know it was tug-of-war when they were choosing. They did not know what the game was. There was a presumption that strength mattered.

Neil Kaufman:
There was. There was a presumption.

Bobbi Rebell:
Which is also a real world perception very often that the strong men were the most desirable teammates. That was the perception, which is often the perception in real life too.

Neil Kaufman:
Yeah, no doubt. No doubt. And shock, maybe not shock, the team with the three women and the one old man, won the tug-of-war game against the men's ... the all men's team. Not so much for any other reason than it was the wisdom of the old man. He had life experience. He had some knowledge that he brought to the table.

Neil Kaufman:
And there was also the women in terms of how they all worked together as one cohesive team. So it was the mind that won over the power of many on the other side. It was a David and Goliath story and I love that but the point is, you've got to think broadly, have a different perspective. It's not always the obvious answer that wins.

Bobbi Rebell:
Another thing that's also interesting is that there might be a perception that everyone in this dorm, everyone playing this game was poor, maybe because they were born that way or just things beyond their control. But one of the characters that you found most interesting was character 218.

Bobbi Rebell:
He is someone that was the pride and joy of his neighborhood. We see scenes of his mother bragging about how successful he is. The main character knew him as a child and he was the big success of the neighborhood. He was working in finance but in fact, he had lost his investor's money and he still was in the outside world portraying this veneer of huge success. Nobody knew that he had had this huge financial ruin.

Bobbi Rebell:
And that's something that really resonated because very often people appear to have so much money and so much success in life but underneath there's nothing and sometimes there's less than nothing. And it's not always clear but there's a lot of reason to believe that this very wealthy appearing guy had maybe committed some crimes and really betrayed his investors. He was a bad guy.

Neil Kaufman:
I hate that guy. I mean, I got to tell you, even the way it wrapped up with him in the end and I'll get to that in a second. But I think it speaks to, I mean this guy had a pedigree education. He had the pedigree job. I think the lesson in that is don't judge people's wealth or success based on appearance only.

Neil Kaufman:
I guess it almost goes to what we're talking about these days around mental health issues. People that you think are okay, maybe they're not okay. Maybe they're not doing great. It's like that Instagram moment. It looks great from the outside in but the inside out is just terrible.

Neil Kaufman:
I think the life lesson here is the person who said that it's better to look good than to feel good, that person is wrong. The person that said clothes makes the man. That guy is also wrong. It's mental health. It's inner beauty. It's health. It's relationships that matter, not what your neighbors think, not what the valet who parks your car thinks or the stranger who sees on the street wearing whatever you're wearing.

Neil Kaufman:
You need to define a level of success by, I guess I want to say pay it forward. By the good words and things that you do and the impact that you make on others. It's those things that matter.

Bobbi Rebell:
Yeah. This show also makes some big picture statements about the growing gap between the uber wealthy and the poorer people in society and the things that the wealthy do. About two-thirds through the show, the series, we learn that this is a game that wealthy people are staging for their own amusement and it's compared by many people to things like Battle Royale and the Hunger Games.

Bobbi Rebell:
You have a lot to say about this. I mean, they come in, it's wealthy people really abusing the lower classes here who have financial problems instead of helping them. It's very cynical.

Neil Kaufman:
It's interesting. So wealthy people can abuse the vulnerable who have financial problems. No shocker there. I guess it's the theme for the decade. People hurting people who are already hurting, instead of lifting those people up in reality as opposed to the appearance of reality.

Neil Kaufman:
In the end what I liked was I think the last lesson of the show was that humanity wins. It's best to be your best. It's the best lesson so far in the show, which is sometimes people in power, people who seem to be doing good are not always doing good.

Bobbi Rebell:
And it's also interesting though, it makes a little ... well, a big statement. The main character early in the show is betting on horses. Later in the show the wealthy VIPs are betting on the contestants in this game. Is it saying maybe that are the wealthy and the poor doing the same human behavior? Is it just our human instinct to do this kind of cruel game?

Bobbi Rebell:
Obviously, the horses, I sure hope are alive afterwards, unlike the people but they're setting them up similar because the VIPs are very much gambling on the humans in this game. They are making bets and they're enjoying it and it seems like there's some parallels that the filmmaker or the series maker is trying to make there.

Neil Kaufman:
They're talking about objectification of both men, of women. They're talking about the abuse of power. I mean, it's a real statement that they're making here in terms of who's good, who's bad and sometimes who's good and who's bad is just a matter of perception.

Neil Kaufman:
So to your point, people betting on humans versus people betting on horses, is there a differentiation between them? I don't know but there's so many lessons in this story. I don't even know where ... there's so much. I read so much online about it and what I thought was interesting is how characters changed in the story too.

Neil Kaufman:
Like 67, I forget what her name is. I'm just going to refer to the characters by their numbers. It's easier. But 67, she started off as a hard character. She became a soft character in the end. It gives me pause to think about how people fall into two categories sometimes.

Neil Kaufman:
When people are put to pressure some people are like bits of carbon. You know what I mean by that? You put enough pressure on somebody and some people, like a bit of carbon, you put enough pressure on them and they turn into a diamond. They really shine like 67. She was playing marbles and her opponent gave up her life for her, which I thought was a selfless act.

Neil Kaufman:
It was amazing. She literally sacrificed her and not only was that an amazing act of selflessness but it rubbed off on 67. That's what I'm saying with that whole pay it forward thing. She became a better person for it and she did pay it forward, by the way, because in the middle of the night when she was hurting and there was an opportunity for 456 to kill 218 in his sleep, she paid it forward and she course corrected 456.

Neil Kaufman:
She brought him back on the tracks. She gave him ethics, gave him values again, which I thought was amazing as opposed to the character 218. So my whole other viewpoint is some people are like bits of carbon that you can turn into diamonds and some people fracture and crack under pressure.

Neil Kaufman:
This guy, 218, I was really disappointed in this guy. He manipulated Ali, number 199, played upon his naivete, tricking him into losing his life. He also betrayed all of the players in the beginning when he basically he knew the game, the honeycomb game, and he wouldn't share his knowledge with anybody else. He just looked out for himself only and I get it.

Neil Kaufman:
It's a game to the death but it was to the point where this person fractured so much from the pressure that not only did he betray all of his friends and then betray Ali and then he betrayed everybody at some point in the games. And he even slit 67's neck in the sleep. She was already dying and he killed her. What's the point in that?

Neil Kaufman:
In the end, his self-sacrifice, I got to tell you, it left me hollow inside. Hollow gesture from a dying man and he didn't even do it to give to 456 to win. He did it to give because he wanted the money for his own purpose, which was to share it with his family. So I get it but I'm telling you, it's a whole microscope of life on the two different types of people there, those that are good and those that are evil.

Bobbi Rebell:
I think the lasting image, because we need to wrap up in a minute. The lasting image for me is the final character, which is throughout the show, the series, they have this giant piggy bank hanging above the dorm that every time someone else dies the remaining players see more money coming in to this giant glass piggy bank above them.

Bobbi Rebell:
So it's like they're being driven by this character of this piggy bank that they can never stop thinking about it and how that will solve their problems, make their life better but in the end, as we know, it doesn't. It really doesn't and that's, I guess, the final spoiler, really. That the money doesn't change anything for the winner.

Neil Kaufman:
I got to tell you, there was one theme in there that really resonated with me on a personal level because I have seen this person in every company I've ever worked with. Betrayal doesn't come from people more often than it comes from people that you trust most. Sometimes your friends are really frenemies. I love that word, frenemy because you got to find out who your frenemies are sometimes.

Neil Kaufman:
Fake friends like Deok-su, number 101 and Han Mi, number 212. They were friends. They were friends but when 101 left 212 scorned by not picking her for ... we talked about the tug-of-war, didn't pick her. He didn't realize that 212 would ultimately be the death of him. So he burned bridges with her and she wound up throwing him off the bridge, which is kind of funny. It took him to his death.

Neil Kaufman:
So my lesson out of that was the kindness you show to others will always find a way of coming back to you or maybe karma is going to sting you for being ruthless in the end and that's what happened to 101.

Bobbi Rebell:
So on point, Neil. You're brilliant, what can I say. All right. Final thoughts.

Neil Kaufman:
I'm thinking that there's going to be a second season, the way they left it at the end there. He didn't get on the plane, 456 did not get on the plane to visit his daughter. He let me down again. He turned around and I think it's a hat tip to a potential season two.

Bobbi Rebell:
Yeah. I think so too. I mean, the rumor is and we're just laying down all these spoilers here but the rumor is that a season two might focus more on the VIPs and the police and the people behind the game and what's going on behind the scenes because they show us a little bit but I definitely want to know more about how this came about and what's going on.

Bobbi Rebell:
And we've got the brother, the police officer and that whole thing. So I would love to hear more about that and I'd love to see more about what ... I'm going to research more about what's been going on in terms of class divide in South Korea. I think that's really interesting and something we can talk about in our own country as well.

Bobbi Rebell:
So final, final words, Neil.

Neil Kaufman:
Tune into the podcast. Listen on Spotify. Tell us what you liked, what you didn't like. I'd love to hear from you.

Bobbi Rebell:
We love that. All right. And everyone, you can follow me and support the show on Instagram @bobbirebell1, on Twitter @bobbirebell. Let us know what you thought about it. Let us know if you want to hear more from Neil and more of our money related content reviews. I don't know what we want to call it, a synopsis, whatever. But be in touch and thank you for being financial grownups.

Bobbi Rebell:
Money Tips For Financial Grownups is a production of BRK Media LLC. Editing and production by Steve Stewart. Guest coordination, content creation, social media support and show notes by Ashley Wall. You can find the podcast show notes which include links to resources mentioned in the show as well as show transcripts by going to my website, bobbirebell.com.

Bobbi Rebell:
You can also find an incredible library of hundreds of previous episodes to help you on your journey as a financial grownup. The podcast and tons of complimentary resources associated with the podcast is brought to you for free but I need to have your support in return. Here's how you can do that.

Bobbi Rebell:
First, connect with me on social media @bobbirebell1 on Instagram and bobbirebell on both Twitter and on Clubhouse, where you can join my Money Tips For Grownups Club. Second, share this podcast on social media and tag me so I can thank you. You can also leave a review on Apple Podcast. Reading each one means the world to me. And you know what? It really motivates others to subscribe.

Bobbi Rebell:
You can also support our merchant shop, grownupgear.com by picking up fun gifts for your grownup friends and treating yourself as well. And most of all, help your friends on their journey to being financial grownups by encouraging them to subscribe to the podcast. Together we got this.

Bobbi Rebell:
Thank you for your time and for the kind words so many of you send my way. See you next time and thank you for supporting Money Tips For Financial Grownups.

Neil Kaufman:
(Singing)

Summer Watch Party: Netflix’s Marriage or Mortgage with guest co-host Andy Hill

Marriage Kids and Money’s Andy Hill joins Bobbi to break down the Netflix hit show that challenges couples to choose between the wedding of their dreams, and becoming home owners as they start their life together. 

A Little About The Show

Andy Hill:
So it's a 10 episode series on Netflix, and it follows these couples in Nashville. Then they've got a limited budget. So they've got to choose the mortgage, or they've got to choose the wedding of their dreams. So the mortgage obviously is for their first home or the home that they're going to have together. Most of them have around 30K saved up. And the hosts of the show, as you mentioned, Sarah, she's got the wedding planning, and then Nicole is the real estate agent. So they have a friendly competition about who's going to win over the couple, whether it's the marriage or the mortgage.

Bobbi Rebell:
Yes, and it's interesting. Most of the couples have somewhere between 25 and $35,000 saved up for this. And that does work out well because the average cost of a wedding pre COVID, which is when this was filmed, and we'll talk about the relevance of that later, was about $34,000. Which of course, I'm in New York so I'm like, oh, that's not so bad. But in the real world, outside of the island of Manhattan, that is a ton of money. All right, Andy, you're the perfect person for this show. You have the marriage, but you don't have a mortgage anymore. So I know you have a lot to say about this show. You've watched a couple episodes, right?

Andy Hill:
Yeah. I watched a couple episodes. I watched the first one where it was a new couple coming in from Florida. And they were deciding whether they want to get married or pay for the wedding or do the house. And then I also watched another episode with an older lesbian couple, that they were going to say, Hey, do we want the big gay wedding, or do we want the big gay house? So it was fun to see different demographics in Nashville trying to figure out their situation. But yeah, overall, I thought it was a very interesting concept. And based on watching it, it was a little downer. Honestly, I feel like you come into it and it's like, okay, you set yourself up for the big hopes of the wedding because you've seen all the movies, or you've seen all your friends do it. Or you've got to get the big house because you've seen all your friends or your family or in the movies do it.

Andy Hill:
And I feel like when we throw that out into society, it's like, here's the things that you have to do, I think that it can be a depressing notion of you're not quite there financially. And it brought back memories for me with both of those situations as well. So I didn't quite have the money for either one of those things. And we got into forcing ourselves financially to do them. So it was kind of a ... I don't know, it's a happy go lucky show, but it made me a little bit sad.

Bobbi Rebell:
Yeah, I will say. So there is this reality TV veneer that they sometimes do where everything is presented as positivity. It is interesting because there is that dark undercurrent because they never have a choice of, well, you don't have to do either one.

Andy Hill:
Yeah.

Bobbi Rebell:
So, that's interesting. I joked that you know about the marriage, but not the mortgage anymore. You did pay off your mortgage. What do you think about the idea of what it's saying? That it positions home ownership has this ideal that couples should be striving for. They never really say, well, or you could just, do what you want to do [crosstalk 00:05:49] or whatever.

Money Tips and Lessons Learned

Andy Hill:
Yeah. I think there's the nationwide shame around renting. And that's something that I'd like to dispel, especially since ... I'm a homeowner. I love my home and we paid off the mortgage. Yes, it's great. But for my first home ownership experience, I bought with too little down with not an understanding of the general costs of home ownership outside of the mortgage. A lot of these things, a lot of the show is like, Hey, here's the home that you can afford for the mortgage. But then you move in and it's like, I got to furnish that thing. I got to get curtains. Oh, the roof is not in a good situation. I have to ... et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, all the things that you didn't know because you are renting, all the things you got to fix because you don't have a landlord anymore. You are the landlord.

Bobbi Rebell:
It's so interesting that you say that because the plot twist for this show actually happened after filming ended in my mind. Because when you first see the title of this show, every single person I've asked, because as I mentioned, I am obsessed with it, has said, who would not choose the house over the wedding? Everyone says, why would you? If you only have 30 grand, of course, you're going to get a house, especially cause some other living situations are less than ideal. They're living with parents or whatever, roommates. The thing is, is that you think when you're watching it, who's not going to choose the mortgage. And I didn't actually do a count, but I'm telling you, I feel like it's at least half chose the wedding.

Andy Hill:
Yeah, it was the majority. Yeah.

Bobbi Rebell:
And on the surface, people get judgey. And they're like, you would blow 30 grand on four hours? And I asked the ladies, I said, after the pandemic, did people regret the weddings? Especially because some of the weddings were even downsized because they timed out to be the beginning of the pandemic. And they said, no. The regrets, if anything, came from the homeowners, which goes to what you just said. The wedding. Sure, they "blew 30 grand on it." But they had the day of a lifetime. They had a memory, they had their friends and family there, which we talk about how millennials and gen Z, they all want these experiences. Well, that's what the wedding was. The wedding was an experience versus a thing.

Bobbi Rebell:
And what people forget is that the house does carry future financial responsibilities, positive things too. But it was very interesting talking to the ladies, seeing this afterthought. Do you think that people are too quick to judge stereotypes when they go to these things, where they judge people for spending a lot of money on a huge trip or a wedding or whatever it may be? And we were talking offline. We have a big family event that we're planning that I think we're spending way too much money on, but I also feel like this is what life is, right?

Speaker 3:
Absolutely. If you've saved up the money to purchase something, whether it's a thing or an experience in your life, I think there should be zero shame, and you enjoying what you've worked hard to have. Now, if, Bobby, you're going to take a big, old, personal loan to throw this party and rack up some double-digit interest to do that, then maybe not so much.

Bobbi Rebell:
If you were the host, let's say you're the moderator, they really didn't have a neutral party. But if you were there hosting it with the ladies, what would your advice to be as a neutral party to these couples?

Speaker 3:
I think that could be fun actually, because the show is supposed to be fun. And it's like, Hey, choose one or the other. And it's like a game show, like you said. It also opens up opportunity for social commentary at the end to be like, okay, Hey, we know that this is not the real world here, everybody. You don't have to do just this or that. There's a lot of other things you can do. I think maybe they should have risen up the conversation around renting. I think they should have risen up the conversation around maybe not having to do an extravagant thing if you can't afford it. And the realities of debt in our country, because those are really serious topics.

Speaker 3:
And since we're playfully talking about a $30,000 choice, which is very difficult for the majority of America, I think it opens up an opportunity to have real conversations. So maybe for the people who are on the show, maybe it's an opportunity for them to talk, get real, get real money talk and say, Hey, this is what it actually ended up being when we decided to go for the wedding. Or now that we've decided to go for the wedding, we have $0 to put down on this house that we're actually really interested. So there is a choice. And I think that it opens up an opportunity for education after the fun, which is important too.

Bobbi Rebell:
Absolutely. Final thoughts on the show. Are you going to be watching the rest of the episodes now that I've gotten you sucked into it?

Speaker 3:
You know what, Bobby? I'll be honest with you. I will probably not watch any more of them, but I really appreciated you opening it up to me. It's just that's not typically my type of show. I don't really watch a lot of reality TV, but I liked the fact that it hit on both of those buttons, marriage and mortgage because I talk about that all the time.

Bobbi Rebell:
Well, do you feel that it had lessons, maybe things that you already know? I mean, there was a lot of negotiation. I feel there was a lot of priority there. And I would have liked to have heard more about how they got to saving $30,000, which is no small feat.

Speaker 3:
Exactly. And I think that that in itself could teach a lot of people things. What I did like that you're bringing up, I like how they negotiated. I really like how when you come to the end and they make the final decision, here's what I was able to do for you, whether it was for the house or for the wedding venue. I used to work on event planning for 15 years, so I know all of the importance of the costs of events.

Bobbi Rebell:
Oh, tell us. Give us some insider secrets, Andy.

Speaker 3:
It's very important to not just take the price at face value, which the show hosts did, which was fantastic. What can you do for me? Where can we find some concessions? These people are considering going over these other locations. What can we do to save a little bit of money? Never take the price at face value in anything in life. This is an opportunity for you to negotiate, flex that skill, and go into it being like, Hey, you know what? If we can't get it, it's not going to be the end of the world. There's going to be somewhere else to go. And with that attitude, you're going to save a lot of money with a lot of choices in life, whether it's an event venue or a home or a thing that you want to buy in life. So that was one of my favorite things that the host did and showed the power of negotiation, which I think is really good for everybody.

Bobbi Rebell:
And they did do some budgeting. They did say, for example, the wedding, if you spend this much on the dress ... I mean, there was a lot of humor in there. To me, that's a lot of the watchability. You can see, everyone, I'm trying to get Andy to really watch the rest of these. But I mean, there was a woman that had to have this ranch dressing tower. I mean, it's the most absurd thing I've ever heard, but it was also her enthusiasm was infectious. So you find these characters endearing, even in what we might perceive as silliness. The truth is we all have our thing.

Speaker 3:
Yeah. Well, I like ranch on anything, so I respect that. So pizza, vegetables. So maybe I'll have to watch that episode. I think that's that ...

Bobbi Rebell:
Maybe watch that one, and the one with a donut wall.

Speaker 3:
Oh, I like it. I like donuts, and I like ranch. Not together, but I like them.

Bobbi Rebell:
Yeah, see? I'm going to win you over. When we're done with this, I'm going to work on getting Andy to watch the rest of the show because these characters are endearing. You are rooting for them. The fact that this pandemic happened and squashed a lot of the ones ... the wedding's dreams, but they still love the weddings. It's like, I love that because the weddings, ultimately, even though they did ... and they put budgets up on the screen, by the way. They do, they show what things are going to cost. They do push people to make choices within the wedding. More so the house, it's a little trickier, but they do do that. So I thought that was also a good financial lesson. So I'm winning you over, Andy.

Speaker 3:
I like it. I'm not knocking your show. I don't normally do reality shows, but [crosstalk 00:12:58] you're a good friend of mine. If you want me to watch an another episode, I will.

Bobbi Rebell:
I recommend it for people that like reality TV.

Check out Sarah and Nichole’s episode here!

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Full Transcript:

Bobbi Rebell:
I hope you guys are all celebrating some big adulting milestones this season. And you know what? Finding the perfect gift for those celebrations can be tough. I have the solution over@grownupgear.com. We have adorable hats, totes, mugs, pillows, teas, and seriously, the most cozy and comfortable sweatshirts. They're all on grownupgear.com and all at affordable prices. We even now have digital gift certificates if you can't decide. Use code grownup for 15% off your first order. Buying from our small business helps to support this free podcast. And you know what? We really appreciate it. Thanks, guys.

Bobbi Rebell:
You're listening to Money Tips for Financial Grownups with me, certified financial planner, Bobbi Rebell, author of How to be a Financial Grownup. And you know what? When it comes to money, being a grown up is hard, but together we've got this.

Bobbi Rebell:
Welcome, friends, to our latest installment of our 2021 financial grownup summer watch party series. During COVID, I had a chance to check out some streaming shows and there are a lot of undiscovered gems out there that I think have some really good money lessons. So we're going to have a separate watch party. Actually, we already are. I think this is our third episode highlighting, of course, some of my personal favorites and some new buzzworthy shows. And of course the money tips that we learned from them. And of course, what is a watch party without some good friends? So I am so excited to welcome Andy Hill. He is the host of Marriage, Kids and Money, the podcast, and the growing business empire around it. Welcome, Andy.

Andy Hill:
Thank you, Bobby. I'm so glad to be here and glad to be returning for some more fun with you.

Bobbi Rebell:
You have a lot going on as the world opens up, I say optimistically.

Andy Hill:
Yes. Let's keep saying it optimistically, please.

Bobbi Rebell:
Yes. Well, I think you're one of the co-hosts of Fin Con this year.

Andy Hill:
Yeah. I'm excited about that. Yeah. Paula Pant and I are going to be co-hosting together in Fin Con in Austin, Texas. And I am pumped about it, to be able to not only do that, but hang out with a bunch of fellow money nerds just like you.

Bobbi Rebell:
In person, so cool. All right.

Andy Hill:
Yay.

Bobbi Rebell:
Let's get to this week's show. We're going to be talking about Marriage and Mortgage. I think it's actually called Marriage or Mortgage. I misspoke, so Marriage or Mortgage. It was an obsessive pandemic binge show for me, so much so that I had the stars of the show, Sarah Miller and Nicole Holmes, as guests on an earlier episode of this podcast. And yes, we'll leave a link in the show notes on my website, bobbirebell.com. So you guys can check that one out. I was obsessed. Andy, I had to prompt you to watch this, but you were a good sport. You dove right in. Tell us a little bit about the show.

Andy Hill:
Yeah, so it's a very interesting ... and you were right. It's definitely an or because that's the whole point of the show, right? Marriage or Mortgage. So it's a 10 episode series on Netflix, and it follows these couples in Nashville. Then they've got a limited budget. So they've got to choose the mortgage, or they've got to choose the wedding of their dreams. So the mortgage obviously is for their first home or the home that they're going to have together. Most of them have around 30K saved up. And the hosts of the show, as you mentioned, Sarah, she's got the wedding planning, and then Nicole is the real estate agent. So they have a friendly competition about who's going to win over the couple, whether it's the marriage or the mortgage.

Bobbi Rebell:
Yes, and it's interesting. Most of the couples have somewhere between 25 and $35,000 saved up for this. And that does work out well because the average cost of a wedding pre COVID, which is when this was filmed, and we'll talk about the relevance of that later, was about $34,000. Which of course, I'm in New York so I'm like, oh, that's not so bad. But in the real world, outside of the island of Manhattan, that is a ton of money. All right, Andy, you're the perfect person for this show. You have the marriage, but you don't have a mortgage anymore. So I know you have a lot to say about this show. You've watched a couple episodes, right?

Andy Hill:
Yeah. I watched a couple episodes. I watched the first one where it was a new couple coming in from Florida. And they were deciding whether they want to get married or pay for the wedding or do the house. And then I also watched another episode with an older lesbian couple, that they were going to say, Hey, do we want the big gay wedding, or do we want the big gay house? So it was fun to see different demographics in Nashville trying to figure out their situation. But yeah, overall, I thought it was a very interesting concept. And based on watching it, it was a little downer. Honestly, I feel like you come into it and it's like, okay, you set yourself up for the big hopes of the wedding because you've seen all the movies, or you've seen all your friends do it. Or you've got to get the big house because you've seen all your friends or your family or in the movies do it.

Andy Hill:
And I feel like when we throw that out into society, it's like, here's the things that you have to do, I think that it can be a depressing notion of you're not quite there financially. And it brought back memories for me with both of those situations as well. So I didn't quite have the money for either one of those things. And we got into forcing ourselves financially to do them. So it was kind of a ... I don't know, it's a happy go lucky show, but it made me a little bit sad.

Bobbi Rebell:
Yeah, I will say. So there is this reality TV veneer that they sometimes do where everything is presented as positivity. It is interesting because there is that dark undercurrent because they never have a choice of, well, you don't have to do either one.

Andy Hill:
Yeah.

Bobbi Rebell:
So, that's interesting. I joked that you know about the marriage, but not the mortgage anymore. You did pay off your mortgage. What do you think about the idea of what it's saying? That it positions home ownership has this ideal that couples should be striving for. They never really say, well, or you could just, do what you want to do [crosstalk 00:05:49] or whatever.

Andy Hill:
Yeah. I think there's the nationwide shame around renting. And that's something that I'd like to dispel, especially since ... I'm a homeowner. I love my home and we paid off the mortgage. Yes, it's great. But for my first home ownership experience, I bought with too little down with not an understanding of the general costs of home ownership outside of the mortgage. A lot of these things, a lot of the show is like, Hey, here's the home that you can afford for the mortgage. But then you move in and it's like, I got to furnish that thing. I got to get curtains. Oh, the roof is not in a good situation. I have to ... et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, all the things that you didn't know because you are renting, all the things you got to fix because you don't have a landlord anymore. You are the landlord.

Bobbi Rebell:
It's so interesting that you say that because the plot twist for this show actually happened after filming ended in my mind. Because when you first see the title of this show, every single person I've asked, because as I mentioned, I am obsessed with it, has said, who would not choose the house over the wedding? Everyone says, why would you? If you only have 30 grand, of course, you're going to get a house, especially cause some other living situations are less than ideal. They're living with parents or whatever, roommates. The thing is, is that you think when you're watching it, who's not going to choose the mortgage. And I didn't actually do a count, but I'm telling you, I feel like it's at least half chose the wedding.

Andy Hill:
Yeah, it was the majority. Yeah.

Bobbi Rebell:
And on the surface, people get judgey. And they're like, you would blow 30 grand on four hours? And I asked the ladies, I said, after the pandemic, did people regret the weddings? Especially because some of the weddings were even downsized because they timed out to be the beginning of the pandemic. And they said, no. The regrets, if anything, came from the homeowners, which goes to what you just said. The wedding. Sure, they "blew 30 grand on it." But they had the day of a lifetime. They had a memory, they had their friends and family there, which we talk about how millennials and gen Z, they all want these experiences. Well, that's what the wedding was. The wedding was an experience versus a thing.

Bobbi Rebell:
And what people forget is that the house does carry future financial responsibilities, positive things too. But it was very interesting talking to the ladies, seeing this afterthought. Do you think that people are too quick to judge stereotypes when they go to these things, where they judge people for spending a lot of money on a huge trip or a wedding or whatever it may be? And we were talking offline. We have a big family event that we're planning that I think we're spending way too much money on, but I also feel like this is what life is, right?

Speaker 3:
Absolutely. If you've saved up the money to purchase something, whether it's a thing or an experience in your life, I think there should be zero shame, and you enjoying what you've worked hard to have. Now, if, Bobby, you're going to take a big, old, personal loan to throw this party and rack up some double-digit interest to do that, then maybe not so much.

Bobbi Rebell:
If you were the host, let's say you're the moderator, they really didn't have a neutral party. But if you were there hosting it with the ladies, what would your advice to be as a neutral party to these couples?

Speaker 3:
I think that could be fun actually, because the show is supposed to be fun. And it's like, Hey, choose one or the other. And it's like a game show, like you said. It also opens up opportunity for social commentary at the end to be like, okay, Hey, we know that this is not the real world here, everybody. You don't have to do just this or that. There's a lot of other things you can do. I think maybe they should have risen up the conversation around renting. I think they should have risen up the conversation around maybe not having to do an extravagant thing if you can't afford it. And the realities of debt in our country, because those are really serious topics.

Speaker 3:
And since we're playfully talking about a $30,000 choice, which is very difficult for the majority of America, I think it opens up an opportunity to have real conversations. So maybe for the people who are on the show, maybe it's an opportunity for them to talk, get real, get real money talk and say, Hey, this is what it actually ended up being when we decided to go for the wedding. Or now that we've decided to go for the wedding, we have $0 to put down on this house that we're actually really interested. So there is a choice. And I think that it opens up an opportunity for education after the fun, which is important too.

Bobbi Rebell:
Absolutely. Final thoughts on the show. Are you going to be watching the rest of the episodes now that I've gotten you sucked into it?

Speaker 3:
You know what, Bobby? I'll be honest with you. I will probably not watch any more of them, but I really appreciated you opening it up to me. It's just that's not typically my type of show. I don't really watch a lot of reality TV, but I liked the fact that it hit on both of those buttons, marriage and mortgage because I talk about that all the time.

Bobbi Rebell:
Well, do you feel that it had lessons, maybe things that you already know? I mean, there was a lot of negotiation. I feel there was a lot of priority there. And I would have liked to have heard more about how they got to saving $30,000, which is no small feat.

Speaker 3:
Exactly. And I think that that in itself could teach a lot of people things. What I did like that you're bringing up, I like how they negotiated. I really like how when you come to the end and they make the final decision, here's what I was able to do for you, whether it was for the house or for the wedding venue. I used to work on event planning for 15 years, so I know all of the importance of the costs of events.

Bobbi Rebell:
Oh, tell us. Give us some insider secrets, Andy.

Speaker 3:
It's very important to not just take the price at face value, which the show hosts did, which was fantastic. What can you do for me? Where can we find some concessions? These people are considering going over these other locations. What can we do to save a little bit of money? Never take the price at face value in anything in life. This is an opportunity for you to negotiate, flex that skill, and go into it being like, Hey, you know what? If we can't get it, it's not going to be the end of the world. There's going to be somewhere else to go. And with that attitude, you're going to save a lot of money with a lot of choices in life, whether it's an event venue or a home or a thing that you want to buy in life. So that was one of my favorite things that the host did and showed the power of negotiation, which I think is really good for everybody.

Bobbi Rebell:
And they did do some budgeting. They did say, for example, the wedding, if you spend this much on the dress ... I mean, there was a lot of humor in there. To me, that's a lot of the watchability. You can see, everyone, I'm trying to get Andy to really watch the rest of these. But I mean, there was a woman that had to have this ranch dressing tower. I mean, it's the most absurd thing I've ever heard, but it was also her enthusiasm was infectious. So you find these characters endearing, even in what we might perceive as silliness. The truth is we all have our thing.

Speaker 3:
Yeah. Well, I like ranch on anything, so I respect that. So pizza, vegetables. So maybe I'll have to watch that episode. I think that's that ...

Bobbi Rebell:
Maybe watch that one, and the one with a donut wall.

Speaker 3:
Oh, I like it. I like donuts, and I like ranch. Not together, but I like them.

Bobbi Rebell:
Yeah, see? I'm going to win you over. When we're done with this, I'm going to work on getting Andy to watch the rest of the show because these characters are endearing. You are rooting for them. The fact that this pandemic happened and squashed a lot of the ones ... the wedding's dreams, but they still love the weddings. It's like, I love that because the weddings, ultimately, even though they did ... and they put budgets up on the screen, by the way. They do, they show what things are going to cost. They do push people to make choices within the wedding. More so the house, it's a little trickier, but they do do that. So I thought that was also a good financial lesson. So I'm winning you over, Andy.

Speaker 3:
I like it. I'm not knocking your show. I don't normally do reality shows, but [crosstalk 00:12:58] you're a good friend of mine. If you want me to watch an another episode, I will.

Bobbi Rebell:
I recommend it for people that like reality TV. But in the meantime, everyone likes you, Andy Hill. Everyone should be following you and all of your ventures. Tell us more about what you're up to and where people can find you.

Speaker 3:
Yeah. So I have a podcast called Marriage, Kids and Money, which is appropriate for the show we're talking about today.

Bobbi Rebell:
Well, that's why I picked you to do this. Hello.

Speaker 3:
I know. I'm so thankful for being here. It's a show focused on helping families make smart financial choices that let them have a great today and tomorrow. So I've been doing it for about five years. It's a podcast, it's a YouTube channel. Come check it out, marriagekidsandmoney.com.

Bobbi Rebell:
And it's award-winning by the way.

Speaker 3:
Oh, thank you. Yes, it is award winning. I do a show on Fridays now with my wife called Bread and Wine, where it's her and I talking about stuff just very similar to the show, big decisions we're making as a family and what we're going to do. And I am secretly trying to get an award for that one, so Nicole will have to come with me to Austin. You guys can hang out.

Bobbi Rebell:
Yes, absolutely. Well, you've got my vote for all of that. And everyone, follow Andy, follow all of his shows. And if you enjoy this podcast, please tell a friend and make sure that you are following the podcast. That's new terminology now because we no longer say subscribe. We say, follow the podcast. DM me on Instagram @bobbirebell1. Let me know what you liked about the show. Let me know what you want to hear more of on the podcast. And thanks, Andy, for helping us all be financial grownups.

Andy Hill:
Thank you for inviting me.

Bobbi Rebell:
Money Tips for Financial Grownups is a production of BRK Media, LLC, editing and production by Steve Stewart, guest coordination, content creation, social media support and show notes by Ashley Well. You can find the podcast show notes, which includes links to resources mentioned in the show, as well as show transcripts, by going to my website, bobbirebell.com. You can also find an incredible library of hundreds of previous episodes to help you on your journey as a financial grownup. The podcast and tons of complimentary resources associated with the podcast is brought to you for free, but I need to have your support in return.

Bobbi Rebell:
Here's how you can do that. First, connect with me on social media @bobbirebell1 on Instagram, and Bobbi Rebell on both Twitter and on Clubhouse, where you can join my Money Tips for Grownups club. Second, share this podcast on social media and tag me so I can thank you. You can also leave a review on Apple podcasts. Reading each one means the world to me, and you know what? It really motivates others to subscribe. You can also support our merchant shop grownupgear.com by picking up fun gifts for your grownup friends and treating yourself as well. And most of all, help your friends on their journey to being financial grownups by encouraging them to subscribe to the podcast. Together, we got this. Thank you for your time and for the kind words so many of you send my way. See you next time. And thank you for supporting Money Tips for Financial Grownups.

The Case for the Donut Wall and More Money Tips from the hosts of Netflix’s Marriage or Mortgage

It is wedding season! To celebrate we talked to Sarah Miller and Nichole Holmes of the show that asks the engaged to jointly make a big choice: A solid starter home- or a lifetime of memories with loved ones at a big wedding. The choice may seem simple- but if you listen you will see it is both financial and emotional. 

Mortgage-Main-Instagram-Reality-TV-Netflix.png

Sarah and Nichole’s Money Story

Bobbi Rebell:
I did my homework. You were both cast on the show. So you did not come up with the original concept. What was it like when they first came to you, and they came to you individually with this concept? What was your gut reaction?

Sarah Miller:
This is Sarah. I loved it. I honestly thought it was fake at first. I was like, "Am I getting scammed? What's going on here?" Because I've never been on TV or any of that stuff before. So it was surreal to me. But yeah, after they really pitched it to me, I loved it. It's just what I do every single day just with cameras added to it. So I signed on immediately. I loved it.

Nichole Holmes:
This is Nichole, and I was on board from the get-go. It was such a great idea. I was a little hesitant, not knowing how they would edit you and things like that, but I am blown away with the editing skills and how amazing the show looks. I'm super excited about all of it.

Bobbi Rebell:
This show teaches so many financial lessons, budgeting, making tough financial choices, money, values. What is your money script, a lot of people would say? Tell us about what you've learned in listening to all of the people on the show that makes you think, how have you guys evolved through all of this?

Sarah Miller:
This is Sarah. So I think it's just, you have to listen to your clients. I mean, this is something again that Nichole and I both do in every day life. So we're trying to fill somebody's dreams and trying to expand their budgets and really give them the utopia of what they're looking for. So I think with the show, the biggest part was us listening to really what was important to them and trying to bring that to reality so they could actually have a hard time choosing either the house or the wedding.

Nichole Holmes:
This is Nichole. It just reminded me about when I was younger and didn't make the smartest financial decisions because we have some fairly young couples on the show that did choose wedding, and I just saw myself in their eyes. I get it because I was given the option when I was getting married the first time. My dad said, "Are you sure that you don't want to take this chunk of money and put it on a down payment on a home or have two really nice cars in the driveway?" or whatever, and I was like, "No, Daddy, I have to have my big day." So now twice divorced and 47 years old, and now that I'm in real estate, I just cringe at how much money I could have made had I actually put it down on an asset rather than just a day.

Bobbi Rebell:
You guys both bring a lot of life experience to the show, and one thing that I love is that you don't judge. Nichole, you just talked about your own life experiences, your own really important money story. And yet you hold back a little, you give them some room. Is that hard? What's that like?

Nichole Holmes:
I want them to do the smartest thing financially that I think is the smartest, and then we've got Sarah thinking they need to invest in these memories. And so I always say this in almost every interview, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink." So all I can do is present the best package possible, show them the best houses, hit all of their top wishes and wants, and hope that they make a sound investment in land or a house.

Sarah Miller:
Nichole doesn't hold back, by the way.

Bobbi Rebell:
Well, you're both really good about managing expectations. Can you talk a little bit about that? Because many of these couples have really saved up for many years, these amounts of money, which are generally about $30,000, that is their life savings. And yet they can't always get their dream wedding or their dream house when they're realistic about you can't get everything. You guys are good at that. Tell us a little bit about that and the psychology of managing expectations from a financial perspective.

Sarah Miller:
This is Sarah. Again, I think it's just all about smart money and dumb money, especially when you're planning a wedding. It's like, listen, put your money where it's going to shine the most, what's most important to you. Let's highlight those areas and scale back on the rest. Because, again, coming into wedding planning, if they only have a small amount of budget allocated to this, then we have to figure out what to do with it. If they put a chose a house and a wedding, they wouldn't be our clients right now. It's one or the other. So we have to make sure that we can maximize it in the right way that makes sense for where they're at in their life at that moment.

Nichole Holmes:
Right. And as a real estate agent, I have to listen to what's most important. There's no such thing as a perfect house, and you're never going to find that dream home, when you're on a budget, I should say. You can find it if you're not on a budget. But if you're working with a budget, I just have to take what's most important to them, just like Sarah said she does with the weddings. And if it's a yard that they want it, if it's the extra bedroom so they can have an at home office or the right school system, all of that goes into play and you just have to let them know that, "The list that you gave me isn't possible. I will show you on paper. Here is the house that you're talking about," and show them how much money that is and how much over budget. So then they get it. And it's, again, exactly what you said, it's managing their expectations.

Marriage or Mortgage Twitter Quote 3.png



Bobbi Rebell:
You've both been in your field for a substantial amount of time. Nichole, you've been in real estate, I think, full time, for more than a decade. And Sarah, you're about the same, so what's up. But you also have seen the social media evolution and how that has influenced people's expectations. Tell me more about that. I mean, I think we had a donut wall in an episode. And to be fair, you have the wedding shows, but you also have these home shows where people have these dream shows. I mean, really, how has that changed people's expectations in terms of what they prioritize and how far their money will go?

Sarah Miller:
This is Sarah. I think on the show, we did a really good job with keeping in with our budgets. Again, we're not trying to over, I guess, over, what's the word, over show them anything that they really can't afford.

Nichole Holmes:
Over sell them.

Sarah Miller:
Over sell them, yeah exactly. We're trying to meet their expectations, but expanding those areas that were really important to them. So when you refer to the donut wall with that one couple, they wanted something unique that would run through social media. That's their era, their age. They were all about a show-stopping conversation piece at their wedding. So that's where that came in. But, again, I feel like the show in households nowadays helps viewers know that there are certain things that they can't afford. They just need to be open-minded about the other areas if they want their specific things.

Nichole Holmes:
Yeah, and this is Nichole. So when people are house shopping, they do a lot of it online now. So it's a good thing and a bad thing to a realtor.

Sarah Miller:
Yeah.

Nichole Holmes:
Because a lot of those websites that they go to, they aren't updated, and so they think that these homes are available and the market is so hot right now in middle Tennessee and Davidson County, specifically, houses are on the markets for hours and then they get snatched up. And so it's making our jobs as realtors a little bit harder because they will send you this list and you're like, "Well, stick with the list I sent you, because this is what's available. Whatever you're sending me and you're finding, you don't have access to the present, the real time houses." So that can get a little bit tricky.

Bobbi Rebell:
So the show was filmed before the pandemic. And, of course, some of the weddings were affected by the pandemic. A lot's changed, so you're still in touch with a lot of the couples that you worked with. Tell me what's been going on with them. Have there been regrets? Have there been, "Oh, I'm so glad I made that choice because of the pandemic and how I feel now"?

Nichole Holmes:
Yeah. From a real estate side, they're thrilled because housing prices are still going up.

Sarah Miller:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Nichole Holmes:
They already equity in their home and they've been in for less than a year or about a year at this point. So I don't have any of my couples that chose house that are upset with their decision.

Sarah Miller:
Yeah, this is Sarah. Same thing on the wedding side. I think, again, the pandemic had a lot to do with wedding changes and stress and all of that stuff, but all the weddings from the show, they actually did go through, they just had to shift around a little bit. So, but yeah, I think everybody had an amazing time, and no matter if it was eight people to 100 people.

Sarah and Nichole’s Money Lesson

Bobbi Rebell:
What lessons have you guys learned in this whole process about money and psychology and the emotion of it and the practicality of it?

Nichole Holmes:
I think we learned more negotiating skills-

Sarah Miller:
Than anything.

Nichole Holmes:
Yeah, and it's judging the couples and what's important to them when we make our final pitches at the end of the show. You can see in their eyes, like when Sarah mentioned the donut wall was going to get thrown in, that boy's eyes lit up. He couldn't have been happier had she offered him a million dollars, I think. He was just so thrilled he was going to get the donut wall.

Sarah Miller:
Yeah, we were just talking how amazing of a concept it is. It's so funny because, when I'm planning weddings every single day, the clients aren't saying, "Oh, well, I don't know if I can plan my wedding because we're about to choose a house." So this is great that we actually have to battle for this and really try to figure out what's really important to them and what they want to choose.

Bobbi Rebell:
And it's interesting because when people see the title, the logical intellectual one goes, "Of course, you would choose a house." But we're not wired that way as humans necessarily.

Sarah Miller:
I agree, and I love that. I get a lot of flack for being the wedding planner. They're like, "How could you? What are you doing?" I'm like, "Listen, love is love. It is what it is." If people didn't choose wedding, it wouldn't be a show.


Sarah and Nichole’s Money Tips

Nichole Holmes:
This is Nichole. So I think it's super important to find a seasoned realtor that knows what they're doing and who has closed a lot of deals, because the negotiations can get intense, especially in a heated market, like it is now. And a good realtor can negotiate and literally save their clients thousands and thousands of dollars by the time it's all said and done.

Bobbi Rebell:
So work with a human, and one that's the right fit for you?

Nichole Holmes:
Oh absolutely. The fun part is finding the house and that's easy. It's after you write the contract and get to the closing table that everything can go sideways. And it does a lot of the time. So you need someone who is seasoned and knows what they're doing to keep everything on track and going in the right direction.

Bobbi Rebell:
Sarah, what's your money tip?

Sarah Miller:
I dido Nichole's thing that she said as well. Hire a professional first. Hire a wedding planner, because going into planning a wedding, number one, you have to have a budget in mind. Number two, hiring a professional is going to save you countless hours over research and time. So if you can start with that and then also jump into it and talk about like your most important parts. Talk about smart money and dumb money. Put your money where you really want it to shine and scale back on those other things.

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Full Transcript:


Bobbi Rebell:
I hope you guys are all celebrating some big adulting milestones this season. And you know what? Finding the perfect gift for those celebrations can be tough. I have the solution over at grownupgear.com. We have adorable hats, totes, mugs, pillows, T's, and seriously, the most cozy and comfortable sweatshirts. They're all on grownupgear.com and all at affordable prices. We even now have digital gift certificates. If you can't decide, use code "grownup" for 15% off your first order. Buying from our small business helps to support this free podcast. And you know what? We really appreciate it. Thanks, guys.

Nichole Holmes:
When Sarah mentioned the donut wall was going to get thrown in, that boy's eyes lit up. He couldn't have been happier had she offered him a million dollars, I think. He was just so thrilled he was going to get the donut wall.

Bobbi Rebell:
You're listening to Money Tips For Financial Grownups, with me, certified financial planner, Bobbi Rebell, author of How To Be A Financial Grownup. And you know what? When it comes to money, being a grownup is hard, but together, we've got this. Hello, my grownup friends. So as you heard in that cold open, Instagram worthy, show's stopping, sounds like, a donut wall at a wedding are a big part of what makes the Netflix series, Marriage or Mortgage, binge-worthy TV. And if you don't know what a donut wall is, well, go do that quick visit to Instagram. It'll tell you all you need to know. On each episode of Marriage or Mortgage, a couple with a limited budget, usually around $30,000, meets with each of the show's hosts, wedding planner, Sarah Miller, and realtor, Nichole Holmes, who show them what each option would look like within their budget. And yes, it is a contest and, yes, the hosts are competitive. They are out to win over the couple who have to make a choice.

Bobbi Rebell:
And the two hosts pull all kinds of stunts from customizing and staging homes in very personalized and eccentric ways to, yes, donut walls for weddings. And by the way, that was a big thing for that guy. Anyway, beneath all the icing on the cakes, Marriage or Mortgage actually has a very serious financial learning premise. What would you do if you literally could either have a home to start your married life in or a wedding where you have all your friends and family celebrating a huge adulting milestone in your life and creating a lifetime of memories, especially after this year that we've had, when we really treasure those memories? Gut reaction among you guys, I bet it's probably the house. That was my knee-jerk reaction too, but take a step back and think about how our culture has evolved.

Bobbi Rebell:
What about all that talk about experiences over stuff? Isn't a wedding where all the people you care about and love share an incredible experience? Isn't that important. And home is not always the best investment, let's face it. And in fact, many people don't want to own a home and renting has become a popular choice. Home ownership, by the way, can have a lot of hidden financial unwelcome surprises. So you see? It does get a little complicated, and there are definite parts of the show that reflect a weird experiment in behavioral economics. Can you tell I love this show? On that note, here are the hosts, Sarah Miller and Nichole Holmes. Sarah Miller, Nichole Holmes, you are both financial grownups. Welcome to the podcast.

Nichole Holmes:
Thank you so much for having us.

Sarah Miller:
We're so excited to be here.

Bobbi Rebell:
This is such a gift for me because I am a super fan of both of you and your Netflix hit show, Marriage or Mortgage. First of all, congratulations on all the success and the buzz this is getting.

Nichole Holmes:
Thank you so much.

Sarah Miller:
We love it. We love it. Thank you.

Bobbi Rebell:
I did my homework. You were both cast on the show. So you did not come up with the original concept. What was it like when they first came to you, and they came to you individually with this concept? What was your gut reaction?

Sarah Miller:
This is Sarah. I loved it. I honestly thought it was fake at first. I was like, "Am I getting scammed? What's going on here?" Because I've never been on TV or any of that stuff before. So it was surreal to me. But yeah, after they really pitched it to me, I loved it. It's just what I do every single day just with cameras added to it. So I signed on immediately. I loved it.

Nichole Holmes:
This is Nichole, and I was on board from the get-go. It was such a great idea. I was a little hesitant, not knowing how they would edit you and things like that, but I am blown away with the editing skills and how amazing the show looks. I'm super excited about all of it.

Bobbi Rebell:
This show teaches so many financial lessons, budgeting, making tough financial choices, money, values. What is your money script, a lot of people would say? Tell us about what you've learned in listening to all of the people on the show that makes you think, how have you guys evolved through all of this?

Sarah Miller:
This is Sarah. So I think it's just, you have to listen to your clients. I mean, this is something again that Nichole and I both do in every day life. So we're trying to fill somebody's dreams and trying to expand their budgets and really give them the utopia of what they're looking for. So I think with the show, the biggest part was us listening to really what was important to them and trying to bring that to reality so they could actually have a hard time choosing either the house or the wedding.

Nichole Holmes:
This is Nichole. It just reminded me about when I was younger and didn't make the smartest financial decisions because we have some fairly young couples on the show that did choose wedding, and I just saw myself in their eyes. I get it because I was given the option when I was getting married the first time. My dad said, "Are you sure that you don't want to take this chunk of money and put it on a down payment on a home or have two really nice cars in the driveway?" or whatever, and I was like, "No, Daddy, I have to have my big day." So now twice divorced and 47 years old, and now that I'm in real estate, I just cringe at how much money I could have made had I actually put it down on an asset rather than just a day.

Bobbi Rebell:
You guys both bring a lot of life experience to the show, and one thing that I love is that you don't judge. Nichole, you just talked about your own life experiences, your own really important money story. And yet you hold back a little, you give them some room. Is that hard? What's that like?

Nichole Holmes:
I want them to do the smartest thing financially that I think is the smartest, and then we've got Sarah thinking they need to invest in these memories. And so I always say this in almost every interview, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink." So all I can do is present the best package possible, show them the best houses, hit all of their top wishes and wants, and hope that they make a sound investment in land or a house.

Sarah Miller:
Nichole doesn't hold back, by the way.

Bobbi Rebell:
Well, you're both really good about managing expectations. Can you talk a little bit about that? Because many of these couples have really saved up for many years, these amounts of money, which are generally about $30,000, that is their life savings. And yet they can't always get their dream wedding or their dream house when they're realistic about you can't get everything. You guys are good at that. Tell us a little bit about that and the psychology of managing expectations from a financial perspective.

Sarah Miller:
This is Sarah. Again, I think it's just all about smart money and dumb money, especially when you're planning a wedding. It's like, listen, put your money where it's going to shine the most, what's most important to you. Let's highlight those areas and scale back on the rest. Because, again, coming into wedding planning, if they only have a small amount of budget allocated to this, then we have to figure out what to do with it. If they put a chose a house and a wedding, they wouldn't be our clients right now. It's one or the other. So we have to make sure that we can maximize it in the right way that makes sense for where they're at in their life at that moment.

Nichole Holmes:
Right. And as a real estate agent, I have to listen to what's most important. There's no such thing as a perfect house, and you're never going to find that dream home, when you're on a budget, I should say. You can find it if you're not on a budget. But if you're working with a budget, I just have to take what's most important to them, just like Sarah said she does with the weddings. And if it's a yard that they want it, if it's the extra bedroom so they can have an at home office or the right school system, all of that goes into play and you just have to let them know that, "The list that you gave me isn't possible. I will show you on paper. Here is the house that you're talking about," and show them how much money that is and how much over budget. So then they get it. And it's, again, exactly what you said, it's managing their expectations.

Bobbi Rebell:
You've both been in your field for a substantial amount of time. Nichole, you've been in real estate, I think, full time, for more than a decade. And Sarah, you're about the same, so what's up. But you also have seen the social media evolution and how that has influenced people's expectations. Tell me more about that. I mean, I think we had a donut wall in an episode. And to be fair, you have the wedding shows, but you also have these home shows where people have these dream shows. I mean, really, how has that changed people's expectations in terms of what they prioritize and how far their money will go?

Sarah Miller:
This is Sarah. I think on the show, we did a really good job with keeping in with our budgets. Again, we're not trying to over, I guess, over, what's the word, over show them anything that they really can't afford.

Nichole Holmes:
Over sell them.

Sarah Miller:
Over sell them, yeah exactly. We're trying to meet their expectations, but expanding those areas that were really important to them. So when you refer to the donut wall with that one couple, they wanted something unique that would run through social media. That's their era, their age. They were all about a show-stopping conversation piece at their wedding. So that's where that came in. But, again, I feel like the show in households nowadays helps viewers know that there are certain things that they can't afford. They just need to be open-minded about the other areas if they want their specific things.

Nichole Holmes:
Yeah, and this is Nichole. So when people are house shopping, they do a lot of it online now. So it's a good thing and a bad thing to a realtor.

Sarah Miller:
Yeah.

Nichole Holmes:
Because a lot of those websites that they go to, they aren't updated, and so they think that these homes are available and the market is so hot right now in middle Tennessee and Davidson County, specifically, houses are on the markets for hours and then they get snatched up. And so it's making our jobs as realtors a little bit harder because they will send you this list and you're like, "Well, stick with the list I sent you, because this is what's available. Whatever you're sending me and you're finding, you don't have access to the present, the real time houses." So that can get a little bit tricky.

Bobbi Rebell:
So the show was filmed before the pandemic. And, of course, some of the weddings were affected by the pandemic. A lot's changed, so you're still in touch with a lot of the couples that you worked with. Tell me what's been going on with them. Have there been regrets? Have there been, "Oh, I'm so glad I made that choice because of the pandemic and how I feel now"?

Nichole Holmes:
Yeah. From a real estate side, they're thrilled because housing prices are still going up.

Sarah Miller:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Nichole Holmes:
They already equity in their home and they've been in for less than a year or about a year at this point. So I don't have any of my couples that chose house that are upset with their decision.

Sarah Miller:
Yeah, this is Sarah. Same thing on the wedding side. I think, again, the pandemic had a lot to do with wedding changes and stress and all of that stuff, but all the weddings from the show, they actually did go through, they just had to shift around a little bit. So, but yeah, I think everybody had an amazing time, and no matter if it was eight people to 100 people.

Bobbi Rebell:
What lessons have you guys learned in this whole process about money and psychology and the emotion of it and the practicality of it?

Nichole Holmes:
I think we learned more negotiating skills-

Sarah Miller:
Than anything.

Nichole Holmes:
Yeah, and it's judging the couples and what's important to them when we make our final pitches at the end of the show. You can see in their eyes, like when Sarah mentioned the donut wall was going to get thrown in, that boy's eyes lit up. He couldn't have been happier had she offered him a million dollars, I think. He was just so thrilled he was going to get the donut wall.

Sarah Miller:
Yeah, we were just talking how amazing of a concept it is. It's so funny because, when I'm planning weddings every single day, the clients aren't saying, "Oh, well, I don't know if I can plan my wedding because we're about to choose a house." So this is great that we actually have to battle for this and really try to figure out what's really important to them and what they want to choose.

Bobbi Rebell:
And it's interesting because when people see the title, the logical intellectual one goes, "Of course, you would choose a house." But we're not wired that way as humans necessarily.

Sarah Miller:
I agree, and I love that. I get a lot of flack for being the wedding planner. They're like, "How could you? What are you doing?" I'm like, "Listen, love is love. It is what it is." If people didn't choose wedding, it wouldn't be a show.

Bobbi Rebell:
Absolutely. You each brought a money tip for our financial grownup listeners. Who wants to go first?

Nichole Holmes:
Nichole will.

Sarah Miller:
Good.

Nichole Holmes:
This is Nichole. So I think it's super important to find a seasoned realtor that knows what they're doing and who has closed a lot of deals, because the negotiations can get intense, especially in a heated market, like it is now. And a good realtor can negotiate and literally save their clients thousands and thousands of dollars by the time it's all said and done.

Bobbi Rebell:
So work with a human, and one that's the right fit for you?

Nichole Holmes:
Oh absolutely. The fun part is finding the house and that's easy. It's after you write the contract and get to the closing table that everything can go sideways. And it does a lot of the time. So you need someone who is seasoned and knows what they're doing to keep everything on track and going in the right direction.

Bobbi Rebell:
Sarah, what's your money tip?

Sarah Miller:
I dido Nichole's thing that she said as well. Hire a professional first. Hire a wedding planner, because going into planning a wedding, number one, you have to have a budget in mind. Number two, hiring a professional is going to save you countless hours over research and time. So if you can start with that and then also jump into it and talk about like your most important parts. Talk about smart money and dumb money. Put your money where you really want it to shine and scale back on those other things.

Bobbi Rebell:
So well said. You guys are wonderful. I am waiting, waiting, waiting, and hoping for a season two. In the meantime, where can our listeners catch up with you and see what's going on in the meantime?

Sarah Miller:
Yeah. Hey, this is Sarah. And on Instagram, it is Southern Fine Co. We have a website as well, which is just SouthernFineCo.com.

Nichole Holmes:
And I am on Instagram. This is Nichole, and it's Nichole Holmes Realty. And it's Nichole with an H, N-I-C-H-O-L-E H-O-L-M-E-S Realty.

Bobbi Rebell:
Well, ladies. It's been such a pleasure to have both of you. Thank you so much. Continued success, and I hope to have you back celebrating season two very soon.

Nichole Holmes:
Us too. Thank you.

Sarah Miller:
Thank you guys. It was so fun.

Bobbi Rebell:
Okay, my friend, let's review some of the tips from the ladies and that we learned from the show. Budgets sometimes can't budge, so sharpen your negotiating skills. The hosts often go to bat for their clients, getting creative deals from vendors and getting home sellers to cut the price when they can. You should always pay people fairly, of course, but there's nothing wrong with advocating for yourself, or frankly, for your clients on everything you can. There are also times when you should not DIY, and that is especially true when there are large sums of money involved. That includes large events and homes. Don't make assumptions about what is right for you at a given stage in life. Don't get FOMO and don't let other people change your mind. Think for yourself. Take the time.

Bobbi Rebell:
As the show contestants do, actually look at the options and really talk it out with people that you care about. And if you look back and feel that you've made the wrong choice, well, you know what? Life goes on. Just like Nichole now has a sense of humor about her two weddings and how she wishes that she had taken the money and used it for something else. The truth is, every time we make a decision about where to allocate money, it is also not going somewhere else. Hopefully, we make the right decision more often than we make the wrong one. But forgive yourself and just move on if you mess up, because we all do. It is part of being a grownup, come on. Another part, celebrating life's grownup milestones. I hope people check out grownupgear.com when you are gift shopping this spring. It's perfect stuff for at graduations, birthdays, engagements, new parents, new home, all the good things.

Bobbi Rebell:
And as a special promotion, we are going to give away one $50 gift card to Grownup Gear each week until July 4th, which is Independence Day. And maybe we can also call it Financial Independence Day. There are two ways to enter to win. Number one, take a screenshot of this podcast, post it on social media, and tag me at BobbiRebell1. Also, email that screenshot to us at hello@financialgrownup.com. The second way to enter is to write a review of the Money Tips For Financial Grownups Podcast on Apple Podcasts, take a screenshot, and send it to us at hello@financialgrownup.com. And my close friends and my relatives, by the way, you guys, not eligible. Sorry. Big thanks to Nichole Holmes and Sarah Miller of Netflix's Marriage or Mortgage for helping us all be financial grownups.

Bobbi Rebell:
Money Tips for Financial Grownups is a production of BRK Media, LLC. Editing and production by Steve Stewart. Guest coordination, content creation, social media support, and show notes by Ashley Wall. You can find the podcast show notes, which includes links to resources mentioned in the show, as well as show transcripts, by going to my website, BobbiRebell.com. You can also find an incredible library of hundreds of previous episodes to help you on your journey as a financial grownup. The podcast and tons of complimentary resources associated with the podcast is brought to you for free, but I need to have your support in return. Here's how you can do that. First connect with me on social media at BobbiRebell1 on Instagram and Bobbi Rebell on both Twitter and on Clubhouse, where you can join my Money Tips For Grownups Club. Second, share this podcast on social media and tag me so I can thank you.

Bobbi Rebell:
You can also leave a review on Apple Podcasts. Reading each one means the world to me. You know what? It really motivates others to subscribe. You can also support our merchant shop, grownupgear.com, by picking up fun gifts for your grownup friends and treating yourself as well. And most of all, help your friends on their journey to being financial grownups by encouraging them to subscribe to the podcast. Together, we got this. Thank you for your time and for the kind words so many of you send my way. See you next time. And thank you for supporting Money Tips For Financial Grownups.