Transcription
Lynette K. Cox:
I was mortified that my sister had to literally call me out and call me on the carpet, and just tell me how raggedy I was being, and how irresponsible.
Bobbi Rebell:
You're listening to Financial Grownup with me, Certified Financial Planner Bobbi Rebell, author of How To Be a Financial Grownup. You know what? Being a grownup is really hard, especially when it comes to money. But it's okay. We're going to get there together. I'm going to bring you one money story from a financial grownup, one lesson, and then my take on how you can make it your own. We got this.
Bobbi Rebell:
Hey, friends. Well, the only thing worse than having debt you can't pay back is having debt and just ignoring it. That will only make it worse. Actually, wait. There is one thing that is actually even worse, and that is, of course, owing money to family and trying to duck it. My guest is Lynette Khalfani-Cox, known as the Money Coach. She is also the force behind Money Coach University. Her sister's loan wasn't the only one she was hiding from. Let's just say there's a guy she wants to impress involved, cars get repossessed, and all kinds of chaos ensues. I can't believe she told us this story. This is definitely unbelievable. Here is Lynette Khalfani-Cox.
Bobbi Rebell:
Lynette Khalfani-Cox, welcome to the show. You are a financial grownup.
Lynette K. Cox:
Hey, thank you so much for having me.
Bobbi Rebell:
Well, it's great to have you, especially because I am such a fan of yours. We've met through friends a couple of times at different events, and of course you were a superstar at the last FinCon, which was fantastic.
Lynette K. Cox:
I am so looking forward to FinCon 2018.
Bobbi Rebell:
Orlando.
Lynette K. Cox:
Exactly. What is not to like about Florida?
Bobbi Rebell:
Exactly. I love the money story that you are going to share with us. You did a little bit of hide and seek in college. You weren't always the superstar that you are now, to say the least.
Lynette K. Cox:
Yeah. That's putting it mildly. The story I want to share is about the time that I hid in college, not just from one creditor, but actually from two. One of the creditors, surprisingly enough, was my sister, Cheryl. I have five sisters, and Cheryl's the oldest one.
Bobbi Rebell:
Oh my.
Lynette K. Cox:
Never a good look there, to hide from a family member that you owe. But also from my car lender. Here's kind of what happened with both situations. I was totally young and dumb when I was in college. Honestly, I didn't borrow wisely, but-
Bobbi Rebell:
What did you borrow for? What were these loans for?
Lynette K. Cox:
With my sister, I had my very first internship, a college internship with ... I'll never forget. With WEAR-TV in Pensacola, Florida, and my sister lived right nearby there at the time, and I was in school in Southern California. I went to University of California Irvine for undergrad. I had this internship, but guess what? It didn't pay. They actually said, "Oh, we'll give you a stipend at the end." What happened was, I asked my sister to borrow money in order to go out there to Florida, to get a plane ticket from Southern Cal into Pensacola area. I had all the best of intentions, and I really did plan to pay her back.
Lynette K. Cox:
Well, what happens? I go back to Southern California after the internship, then I don't. I just don't immediately pay her back. Life got in the way. My tuition, and fees, and books, and supplies-
Bobbi Rebell:
Oh, yeah.
Lynette K. Cox:
... everything else. Then she called me. She was like, "Oh, hey." And she left me a voicemail, and I didn't make a speedy beat to call her back, and then the next week she called me again, and then I didn't call her back, and boy, the third time she called me did she let me have it.
Bobbi Rebell:
Ooh.
Lynette K. Cox:
She said, "Lynette, I don't want you to treat me like you would treat a Visa or a MasterCard, a creditor." She said, "You borrowed from family. I'm your sister and I love you, but you have to be financially responsible. Don't duck your obligations, and most importantly, don't duck me." She said, "If you don't have the money, just say, 'I don't have it.' Or, 'Here, let me pay you back a month from now.' Or, 'Let me work out a payment plan for you.' Or let ..." It was such a wake-up call, Bobbi, I'll tell you, because I was so embarrassed. I was mortified, frankly.
Bobbi Rebell:
Then there was also this car loan.
Lynette K. Cox:
Oh, yeah. There was the car loan. I had a 1987 Hyundai Excel. It was my very first car. Don't you know, that car got repossessed.
Bobbi Rebell:
Oh my gosh.
Lynette K. Cox:
I only missed two payments. I don't know why they did that to me.
Bobbi Rebell:
Is that standard, that they repossess so quickly? Is that the norm?
Lynette K. Cox:
Wait, or was it three? I don't know.
Bobbi Rebell:
But still, that seems ... I don't know. Did you talk to them and say, "Can you cut me some slack?" Was there any dialogue, or you just shut them down?
Lynette K. Cox:
Absolutely not. I was such a bonehead. Again, very quickly, here's what I did. I had a boyfriend at the time. Doesn't it always involve a guy?
Bobbi Rebell:
Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
Lynette K. Cox:
Very nice, sweet guy. We were totally into each other. We're walking through the mall one time in Southern California. We go into a leather store. It was around the holidays. He sees this leather coat, this brown leather coat. I see him look at the tag at the end of the sleeve, on the arm of the coat, and he looks at it quickly and goes, "whew," and just flips that tag back around, as if, "Whew, that's too expensive for my taste." He just keeps walking, but what do I do? Young and dumb. I'm like, "Ooh, note to self. I see that he really liked the coat. I'm gonna come back and buy it."
Lynette K. Cox:
Sure enough, I go back to the store. I spend like $500, which I have-
Bobbi Rebell:
What was your car payment? Do you remember?
Lynette K. Cox:
Yes. It was about $225, $250.
Bobbi Rebell:
We're talking about two months' car payments, which would have prevented the car from being repossessed.
Lynette K. Cox:
Exactly.
Bobbi Rebell:
Oh my gosh.
Lynette K. Cox:
I totally, I just blew it. I mean, I did not even attempt to contact Hyundai Motor Credit Corp, and yes, they did come and take that car, rightfully so, of course.
Bobbi Rebell:
Did the boyfriend drive you around everywhere then?
Lynette K. Cox:
You know what? I learned an even bigger lesson, because I had to fess up. One day I walked out of my apartment that I had. You would have thought I was Halle Berry. I was such an actress, okay? I was like, "Where's my car?" He was like, "Oh my god. Did somebody steal your car? Where's your car?"
Bobbi Rebell:
"You're wearing it."
Lynette K. Cox:
Yeah, exactly.
Bobbi Rebell:
Did he have the jacket on? Oh my gosh.
Lynette K. Cox:
Finally, I fessed up. I was like, "No. You know what, honey? Actually I think my car got repossessed." He was like, "What?" He was like, "What do you mean?" I said, "Well, to be honest, I didn't pay my car note." He was like, "What?" He was so shocked. He looked at me. He said, "If you didn't have the money for it, how come you didn't just ask me? I would have given you the money."
Bobbi Rebell:
Oh my gosh.
Lynette K. Cox:
He was a very sweet guy, and I said, "No, no, no." He knew that I was working at the time. I was a dispatcher for AAA at the time, in college. He says, "Well, can I ask, what did you do with your money?" I was like, "You know that brown leather coat that I got you for Christmas?" He was like, "Yeah." I said, "Well, I kind of spent two car payments on that."
Bobbi Rebell:
See, he wouldn't spend his own money on that.
Lynette K. Cox:
Yeah. But he told me something, Bobbi, again, that I never forgot. He said, "Lynette, I would have never want you to put yourself in the hole for me." It was a wake-up call. I mean, nobody who loves you is really gonna want you to just ... You don't have to spend to impress somebody. You don't have to buy someone's love. You don't have to try to dig yourself in the hole, quote-unquote, to make somebody else happy. It just doesn't work that way.
Bobbi Rebell:
What is the lesson for our listeners? What could you have done differently, looking back with all of your wisdom now?
Lynette K. Cox:
Unquestionably, the biggest lesson that I got is that you can run, but you can't hide, and that literally as much as you may try to duck your responsibilities ... Believe me, I tried to hide that Hyundai. Like, I parked on the side, not right in the front of my apartment complex. But as much as you try to shirk or duck your financial responsibilities, in the end, it always catches up with you.
Bobbi Rebell:
For your money tip, I love that you're going to talk about debt, because sometimes you do need to borrow money.
Lynette K. Cox:
What my husband and I do, before we borrow now, we first ask ourselves three questions. Question one is, "Can we afford to pay cash instead of borrowing?" If the answer is "no," or "not comfortably," then we say, "Is this something that's worth borrowing for?" We love to travel, but is it worth just going into debt, putting it on a credit card, and really, the answer is "no" for that. But the third question is, "If you say yes, it is worth borrowing for, what is the lowest cost source that we can tap to borrow and pay off the debt?" When you do that, at least you're borrowing strategically. You're borrowing wisely, giving it some serious thought and consideration before you just sign on the dotted line.
Bobbi Rebell:
All right. Before I let you go, let's talk about MoneyCoachUniversity.com.
Lynette K. Cox:
Well, I'm doing courses, and I'm teaching people everything under the sun about money, about budgeting. I have a course on there, Negotiating for Women. I have a course about paying for college, credit courses, debt courses. It's really teaching people the nuts and bolts about personal finances, in what I hope is an engaging way, and they get lessons. I give them homework assignments, and we kind of make it fun, but it's all video-based. You know, I write a lot. You know I've written 12 books, but everybody doesn't want to read a 200, 250 page book. Watch a video instead, and learn.
Bobbi Rebell:
You are prolific. Oh my gosh. I mean, 12 books, all these video courses. Amazing. Where can people find you?
Lynette K. Cox:
Well, my free financial advice site is AsktheMoneyCoach.com. A ton of videos on there. 1600 plus articles. You mentioned that I've written 12 books. I'm super proud about that. Then the latest is MoneyCoachUniversity.com. We're all on social media. Everything is just @TheMoneyCoach. Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, YouTube, all that good stuff. Instagram too, now.
Bobbi Rebell:
Instagram too. Everything.
Lynette K. Cox:
I'm on the Gram.
Bobbi Rebell:
I know. I don't know how you do it all. Thank you so much for joining us. This has been great. Thank you so much.
Lynette K. Cox:
Thank you, Bobbi.
Bobbi Rebell:
This episode was a tough one. My friends, I truly hope you do not have an experience anything like Lynette. Financial Grownup Tip number one: Do not duck and cover. If you can not pay a debt, find a way to work something out. No creditor wants to get zero paid back. They want to work with you, and you do not want them sending your case to a collection agency. No one wins there, and it will wreck your credit score. There's nothing more not grownup than just hoping if you ignore the debt it will go away. It will not.
Bobbi Rebell:
Financial Grownup Tip number two: Make a phone call to the person or business to whom you owe money. Even if you can, make an appointment and go in person. I say that because if you just email, there's no human touch. If they can sense your goodwill and your honesty, and see you as a person, not a bill to be collected, it could make them want to help you more, because you're a person, not a piece of paper. While you should be prepared to tell them what you can pay- in other words, do your math in advance and come prepared- before you actually offer anything, tell them your story and say, "I want to work something out. I value your service, and you do deserve to be paid, but can you help me out a little here? What can you do for me?"
Bobbi Rebell:
Just give it a few minutes. Let them think about it. They may reduce the overall bill. They may propose some kind of payment plan that works for you better than you even would have proposed to them. Even if they don't, move forward. Set up something. Find a way to pay them something. If you are really tight, a small payment, even if they have to increase down the road.
Bobbi Rebell:
Thanks to all of you for supporting Financial Grownup. If you like the show, take a minute to rate and review us, and if you have not already, please hit the subscribe button so you won't miss any episodes. I want to hear from you guys. Get in touch on social media, @BobbiRebell on Twitter, @BobbiRebell1 on Instagram, and don't forget to leave me comments. Go to my website. Please sign up for my newsletter so I can keep you posted on everything going on with the show. No more hide and seek, my friends. I hope you guys enjoyed Lynette's story as much as I did, and that we all got one step closer to being Financial Grownups.
Bobbi Rebell:
Financial Grownup with Bobbi Rebell is edited and produced by Steve Stewart, and is a BRK Media production.
