Financial love letters for grownups with Jennifer Lee

 

Episode Description: We all go through changes in our financial grownup lives. It might be marriage, having children, becoming an empty nester, divorce, changing careers or retiring. Be prepared or learn how to manage the different seasons of life with Squeeze the Juice author and financial advisor Jennifer Lee.

Timestamps & Main Points:

  • 00:00 - Intro

  • 03:10 - Introducing Jennifer Lee

  • 04:32 - Financial Love Letters

  • 07:37 - A financial love letter is personal and practical

  • 08:35 - The difference between a will and a financial love letter

  • 10:54 - When should you give your letter to your loved ones?

  • 12:44 - What a financial love letter can accomplish for you in life.

  • 14:05 - Jennifer’s resources


Jennifer’s Bio:

Jennifer is the founder of Modern-Wealth, a Sarasota-based financial advising firm helping individuals going through major live events successfully gain control of their finances. She has been in the financial services industry for 26 years; 44 years if you count tagging along with her father to his office. Throughout the years of working with clients, Jennifer noticed the growing importance of communicating one’s values to the most important people in their lives. This was the driving force to write jer first book, “Squeeze the Juice: Live With Purpose, then Leave a Legacy.”

 
 

Links to resources mentioned in the episode!

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Full Transcript:


Bobbi Rebell:

Hey, grown up friends. There is something I don't talk about publicly that I have decided to start sharing even though it can be a bit embarrassing. I get digital overload and it stresses me out, for good reason, because when you have so much junk on your computer because you're not as organized as you should be because you get caught up in all the things that you have to do, if you don't deal with it, all that stuff on your computer starts to really slow things down and can become a total drag on your productivity. For me, there is nothing worse than finally motivating to get stuff done, only to be derailed by a sluggish computer that is just not cooperating.

A little while ago, I decided I was going to stop just kind of hoping that things would get better and I was going to deal with it. I downloaded something called Clean My Mac. It's from a company called MacPaw. I was skeptical, but I took a deep breath and I tried it. Long story short, it totally worked. I loved how I could see it work through my files with clear and easy to understand graphics. I could see what was messing things up and Clean My Mac would ask me for my okay before deleting files so that something I did need to keep didn't go bye bye. That was one of my biggest fears.

I recently reached out to the company and they are offering 10% off to my financial grownup listeners who want to also get Clean My Mac. To get that 10% of Clean My Mac, you do need to go to my link. It is bobbirebell.com/cleanmymac, B-O-B-B-I-R-E-B-E-L-L.C-O-M/cleanmymac, and that is all one word. I promise you, you'll be so happy. I want you guys to be in touch with me. Let me know how it goes. You deserve to lower the stress of data overload. Trust me, so worth it.

Jennifer Lee:

I like to ask people to consider if this is the last conversation that you have with your son or the last conversation you have with your spouse, what do they need to know? And it's a lot, especially if you're the moneyed person. If you're the person who's responsible for handling the finances, all the passwords, where things are, running the kids around, there are things that you want to communicate to your spouse that they don't know.

Bobbi Rebell:

You're listening to Money Tips for Financial Grownups with me, certified financial planner, Bobbi Rebell, author of Launching Financial Grownups. Because you know what? Grown up life is really hard, but together we got this.

It is no secret, my friends, that money can cause family friction like nothing else, and yet, despite all the talk about how we should sit down and talk about our financial hopes and dreams with our loved ones, so much is unsaid because it's just really hard. Sometimes it's easier to write it down in the form of a financial love letter to our family.

My guest, Jennifer Lee, is the founder of Modern Wealth. She is also the author of Squeeze the Juice, a book about getting everything out of life, and an advocate for financial love letters, which she will explain is not the same as a will, but really a special thing to do for your family and, honestly, for yourself here is Jennifer Lee.

Jennifer Lee, you're a financial grownup. Welcome to the podcast.

Jennifer Lee:

Thank you. Thank you for having me.

Bobbi Rebell:

I'm excited to talk to you about financial love letters but first I just want to say a little bit about what you do. You're the founder of Modern Wealth, you're a financial advisor, and you really work with a lot of people that are in transitions, and we'll talk about why love letters are so important for this, but tell us a little bit about yourself.

Jennifer Lee:

Sure. I'm an advisor who's been in the business, gosh, going on 27 years. Absolutely love what I do. I actually probably started in the business when I was a little kid going to work with my father who was also in the industry. I absolutely love what I do and I recently wrote a book called Squeeze the Juice: Live Your Life and Then Leave a Legacy, and really the whole crux of this is about taking care of your people and squeezing the juice out of life.

Bobbi Rebell:

Your book, Squeeze the Juice, talks about leaving a legacy of your life, but a lot of people have trouble talking about money with their loved ones. It can be uncomfortable, maybe people worry about expectations or disappointments and so on. You advocate something called a financial love letter. Tell us what a financial love letter is.

Jennifer Lee:

Sure. Writing your family love letter, your financial love letter, is what I think is the most critical component of your life's work. It can include ... It's really an ethical will. It does not replace a will or legal documents, but it's an ethical will and it's communicating your values to your loved ones, whether it be your niece or nephew, your spouse, your business partner. It's communicating what you want to make sure happens with regard to your assets, with regard to your values, and what you want to make sure they understand.

Bobbi Rebell:

We know we have to write a financial love letter. Is there any specific time in your life when you should be writing this and do you even tell people that this is happening? Do you discuss it with people? Is there a meeting or is this a solo activity?

Jennifer Lee:

That's an excellent question and I think it's very personal. Most people I find aren't comfortable writing their family love letters, so we do workshops and we try to educate people about what it is and why it's important.

This came about for me and became a very personal situation when my father was ill with a brain tumor and it was really a five month timeframe where he had left to live and to communicate everything that he wanted to say, his values, what his assets were, what his expectations of us were as children, what my mother would have. There's so many things that you want to be able to communicate, and so I like to ask people to consider if this is the last conversation that you have with your son or the last conversation you have with your spouse, what do they need to know? And it's a lot, especially if you're the moneyed person. If you're the person who's responsible for handling the finances, all the passwords where things are, running the kids around, there are things that you want to communicate to your spouse that they don't necessarily know.

Now, will they get by without it? Yes, they'll get by and they'll probably struggle through it a little bit. But wouldn't it be wonderful to be able to communicate what your expectations are of your children, what you hope for them in a marriage, what you expect and hope for them in a career and in contributing to their community.

Writing your family love letter is very, very personal and it means something different to everyone. When we do a talk and I address this, people say, "Oh my gosh, I've got to write it," or they say, "I need my husband to write a love letter," or, "I need my spouse to write a love letter," and it's not just about the love part, it's about values and assets and how you're going to replace income. It's the financial components as well.

Bobbi Rebell:

It sounds like there's a lot going in there, it's not just, "This is how I feel about everyone. I loved you all." It's also kind of a to-do list of, "Here's what you need to do now that I'm not here and here's where everything is and here's the passports." It's very practical as well.

Jennifer Lee:

Yes, it absolutely is. It's not a two paragraph letter about how you feel about the person, but I think it's important to start that way. "This is what you've contributed to my life. This is what I've learned from you." Those tiny little sentences of significance go a long way if you're not here. But then there's the practical components, and that's really what we're going for here from a financial perspective. Is there life insurance? Who are your trusted advisors? My father was the very first person in our family who ever was cremated and he asked for that. You have to communicate those things if that's in fact what you want.

Bobbi Rebell:

This is separate from a will. Can you explain the difference? Nothing is legally binding in here. These are just your wishes.

Jennifer Lee:

You're absolutely right. This is separate and apart from your legal documents. This does not replace a legal document, but this is that ethical will. This is the communication that really supports the documents that you have that are legal.

Bobbi Rebell:

Who should write one? Should a young person be writing one or is this just something as you get older, because if you're younger, maybe you don't have all these complications in your life. What's your advice there? Is there any timeframe where you say, "This is the time to really do it?" Just like there's a certain time when you really do need life insurance and those kind of milestone moments?

Jennifer Lee:

With regard to the financial components and writing a love letter to make sure your family is taken care of, I think the criteria is who depends on you? Is there someone who depends on you for welfare and income and emotional support? If there is, then there's probably a lot to say.

Bobbi Rebell:

How is this different then, I understand it's not legally binding, but I feel like people might listen to this and say, "Well, that should really just be in the will, right?"

Jennifer Lee:

Sure. I'm not certain. I have several attorney colleagues and I'm not sure they would tolerate the longevity of this type of letter and I think it's very personal. In your will, they're going to communicate the distribution of assets, they're going to communicate how things are structured from a transfer perspective, but I don't necessarily think they're going to talk about what your values are and your expectations.

For example, in my love letter it says, "You can have all the income and earnings that you need to maintain the same lifestyle to which we become accustomed," but I don't want my spouse to be buying a Lamborghini or beach house and depleting the principle. I want them to live on the earnings and then pass the balance to the nieces and nephews.

Bobbi Rebell:

What happens if you write a financial love letter and you share it with your relatives? Is there a danger that you may not get the reaction that you're hoping for? Have you seen that ever happen?

Jennifer Lee:

I think that that's a valid point and a valid concern, particularly if you have multiple children and they have their own opinions and expectations. Maybe you want to keep that close to the breast until later when they're able to receive it. As far as the practicality with a spouse, I think you can go over the financial components with your advisor and with the spouse, that's okay, you want to make sure that they really understand. Honestly, every couple, there's typically one person who's more what I call the moneyed spouse. That's the person who handles the finances and understands it and has a comfort level with it. The other spouse should be participating at least on an annual basis with the advisor and with the money spouse to really get a sense of where everything is and what the replacement of income would look like and life without that other party.

Bobbi Rebell:

You have a lot of clients where they're going through financial transitions and they're just not comfortable talking about money. Can a financial love letter and the exercise of writing it be a tool to get someone to maybe engage more with their financial future?

Jennifer Lee:

I think it's a terrific start. It's a terrific way to open the door. In my book that's really what I wanted to accomplish. I tell the story about my father's love letter and how it just happened rather quickly, and then I end explaining and going through mine. I'll talk about one section of the love letter and then I'll explain why I included that information and what it means, just to break it down so that people can wrap their arms around what it might look like for them.

Bobbi Rebell:

For anyone that has a hard time talking about money, what can a financial love letter accomplish for them in life?

Jennifer Lee:

I think writing your personal financial love letter and considering what your resources and your assets mean to you can have more significance. Writing a family love letter pulls all of those components together and allows you to have them in a context that makes you more astute as to why you have life insurance, whether you're paying down your mortgage or you're accumulating more assets, whether you're taking care of your kids' education and what that looks like. I think it's a good starting point and people aren't afraid of it.

Bobbi Rebell:

It sounds like it helps people really come to terms with how much they really have. Very often we think our lives are simpler than they are.

Jennifer Lee:

I think you're absolutely right. A lot of times we'll reach clients in their fifties in what I call crunch time. They wake up and have a little bit of panic because they've been living their life, they've been taking care of their children, they've been doing things, maybe they have multiple jobs and multiple 401k plans, but they haven't really sat down to consider what their structure is going to be and what their retirement is going to be, so it is kind of eye-opening.

Bobbi Rebell:

Thank you so much. You have some resources for our listeners. Can you share with us where they can get them and where they can be in touch with you?

Jennifer Lee:

Absolutely. I have two websites. Modern-wealth.com is my regular financial wealth site, and then I have squeezethejuicebook.com. That is a page that talks about writing your love letter, that talks about the book. You can download a template so you can fill in the blank, a Mad Libs version of writing a love letter. A lot of times gentlemen like to start with that and then they'll expand from it. Then there are also some worksheets that are available to download so that you can complete some pieces on your own.

Bobbi Rebell:

Thank you so much, Jennifer Lee.

Jennifer Lee:

Absolutely. Thank you for having me.

Bobbi Rebell:

A big thank you to so many of you that have already bought my new book, Launching Financial Grownups: Live Your Richest Life, by helping your almost adults kids become everyday money smart. This book was not easy to write because I had to get honest with myself about what was working with my teen and young adult kids and what was not working, and I also had to be prepared to share with all of you. First of all, thank you for your support and your wonderful responses to it. There's definitely some things in there that you may not have been expecting to hear.

By the way, I got a lot of help from my money expert friends and also financial therapists and parenting experts. I am really happy with how Launching Financial Grownups came out even though it really was hard to be, like I said, that honest and it was a lot of work, but I really loved doing it and I'm really happy with how it came out.

On that note, if you have not already, please pick up a copy of Launching Financial Grownups today. After you do, please share it on social media, please leave a review on Amazon. Those reviews are super important because the algorithm picks up on them and that can make the book a lot more visible to more people, so I truly appreciate it and I really also appreciate all of your support.

My friends, what would be in your financial love letter? Would you share it with loved ones or leave it for some time in the future? I would love to hear what you think. DM me and let me know on Instagram @bobbirebell1. Also follow me on Instagram and if you let me know that you are a podcast listener, I will follow you back. We're now posting highlights and sneak peaks of the podcast on Instagram.

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I do this podcast totally free for you guys. I hope that you enjoy it. I hope you get value out of it. It makes me so happy when I hear from you. I also have full transcripts and show notes on my website, bobbirebell.com. My only ask is that you help me grow the community. One way to do that is just be part of it. Subscribe to my newsletter. There's a link in the show notes right on my website under the podcast tab.

A reminder, if you're looking for gifts for the people you care about in your life and that does include clients, please consider gifting them my new book, Launching Financial Grownups. We have amazing bulk discounts available. Just go to my website, click on the books tab for how to get that. Some of you may not fully know how hard it is for small authors like myself, but these book sales mean a lot to me. Even a single book purchase can move the needle. I just want you guys to know how much I appreciate your support and especially when you write me with kind words or say something on social, it's really special and it really gets me. I just thank you. I appreciate it.

Of course, thank you to Jennifer Lee of Modern Wealth for helping us all be financial grownups.

Money Tips for Financial Grownups is a production of BRK Media LLC, editing and production by Steve Stewart, guest coordination, content creation, social media support, and show notes by Ashley Wall. You can find the podcast show notes, which include links to resources mentioned in the show, as well as show transcripts by going to my website, bobbirebell.com. You can also find an incredible library of hundreds of previous episodes to help you on your journey as a financial grownup. The podcast and tons of complimentary resources associated with the podcast is brought to you for free, but I need to have your support in return.

Here's how you can do that. First, connect with me on social media @bobbiRebell1 on Instagram and Bobby Rebel on both Twitter and on Clubhouse, where you can join my Money Tips for Grownups Club. Second, share this podcast on social media and tag me so I can thank you. You can also leave a review on Apple Podcasts. Reading each one means the world to me and you know what? It really motivates others to subscribe. You can also support our merch shop, grownupgear.com, by picking up fun gifts for your grownup friends and treating yourself as well. Most of all, help your friends on their journey to being financial grownups by encouraging them to subscribe to the podcast. Together we got this. Thank you for your time and for the kind words so many of you send my way. See you next time and thank you for supporting Money Tips for Financial Grownups.

 
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