Adulting money etiquette tips from Alyssa Mairanz

 

Episode Description: Adulting in the Real World creator Alyssa Mairanz shares her take on navigating the world as a financial grownup including tips on handling precarious social situations like group gifts, dinner bills, ordering delivery and managing parent/child relationships when adult kids live at home

Video Highlight: Alyssa talks about being open with your finances.

Alyssa Mairanz ’s Bio:Like many young people, Millennial business owner and Adulting in the Real World creator Alyssa Mairanz found herself with unforeseen debt in early adulthood. She graduated high school and college with honors, did everything she ‘was supposed to,’ yet there were some gaps in learning that left her in a bind. Inspired by her own struggles and growth, Mairanz created Adulting in the Real World to succinctly teach others how to build their dream adult life and master the basics of ‘adulting’ in an approachable way.

Adulting in the Real World (ARW) is a multimedia, interactive coaching academy founded by Alyssa Mairanz, LMHC, CBDT. The eponymous first e-course launched in September 2022 and seeks to set young adults up for success with their finances, health care, interpersonal communication, living on their own, and other pertinent life skills. ARW is a coaching service and is not therapy or a therapy replacement. For more information please visit www.adultingintherealworld.com.

 
 

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Full Transcript:

 

Bobbi Rebell: Being a financial grownup is hard- That’s why we need to be focusing on financial wellness. According to PwC, the majority of employees said that financial worries had a negative impact on their overall health and wellbeing. Money stress is expensive for companies- workers are less productive, and more likely to leave a job. They also have higher healthcare costs when they are worried about finances. As if health care costs weren’t already sky high. Financial Wellness Strategies is here to help by providing engaging and yes, delightful workshops and educational programs for employees to better control their finances. Anyone can lecture and run numbers. We talk about real-life money stuff.

Topics include 

-setting up the best grownup everyday money habits

-managing those social media temptations to splurge.

-strategies to shop for the best deals

-demystifying and really understanding financial lingo

-strategies to steer friends and family away from bad money decisions. 

-and how to know when you should ignore the math that says you “should’ do one thing with your money, and focus on your goals, even when it isn’t the best “financial decision”. 

 

Welcome to a new episode of Wellness for Financial Grownups. I’m your host-certified financial planner Bobbi Rebell- author of Launching Financial Grownups and the founder of Financial Wellness Strategies. 

 

We’re going to be talking about adulting in the real world  but first let’s get to this week’s quote and it is something we do as adults a lot and it always bugs me- even though I have been known to do it-   is when we feel we have to always have a new outfit for special occasions so this weeks’ quote is from actress Tiffany Haddish who famously wore a white Gucci dress over and over to lots of big events where she was photographed in it time and time again:

“When I saw the receipt, I cried. The dress was $4,122! So I’m wearing it multiple fucking times. I don’t care what nobody says – that’s a down payment on a car, that’s a medical bill,” 

Love that. So this season if you splurge on an outfit- or even not- wear it as much as you want. 

And let’s get to more real-world adulting lessons from this week’s guest: Alyssa Mairanz. She is a licensed mental health counselor and the brains behind the multimedia platform adulting in the real world. 

We spoke about everything from how to deal with splitting the dinner check when you are out with friends- especially when they order up a storm, to how candid you should be when it comes to your finances- plus some great money-saving hacks you can put to work in your everyday life right now. 

Here is Alyssa Mairanz:

 

Alyssa Mairanz you are a financial grownup ,welcome to the podcast!

 

Alyssa Mairanz:

Thank you so much for having me. I'm looking forward to diving into everything.

 

Bobbi Rebell:

You are literally, I think, the perfect guest because you are the brains behind a multimedia course called Adulting in the Real World. So before I pump you for all of these wellness tips for our financial grownups, I want you to tell us a little bit about that.

 

Alyssa Mairanz:

So the premise behind adulting in the real world is essentially a one-stop shop for all the things you need to learn about entering adulthood that they don't teach you in school. We go through math and English, history, et cetera. And then you become an adult, and you're like, how do I deal with money? How do I navigate insurance? How do I navigate adult friendships, et cetera? And when I was becoming an adult, it took me a lot of time and money to find what I was looking for. And so I made it my mission to figure out how can I create an accessible platform where it's all the information in one place.

 

Bobbi Rebell:

Adulting in the real world is very precarious when it comes to things like you just mentioned, like friendships. One thing that you touch on a lot is etiquette. You have a lot of strategies and solutions for people who want to navigate how you manage these relationships politely when it comes to money. For example, sometimes people are judgmental as they move into adulthood and they're learning about what things cost. Tell us more about that and how people can approach that.

 

Alyssa Mairanz:

I think money is a very individualized, subjective experience for everyone. And so a big part of why I like to talk about this in adulting in the real world is everyone has to figure out what works for them, right? And so being able to not judge others for how they spend money and not judge yourself for how you spend your money, as long as, you know, you're looking at what's best for yourself is really a key process of all of this.

 

Bobbi Rebell:

And navigating friendships when it comes to money is really complicated, especially when you're first starting out as young adults. Although, let me tell you, it continues on well into middle age. What advice do you have for people when they go out? For example, maybe there's group gifts, maybe there's group dinners, different economic backgrounds, different economic resources, even though sometimes people have the same job, they might have very different situations in terms of the money they have available to spend. What's your advice?

 

Alyssa Mairanz:

That’s an excellent question. My advice is first and foremost, know what your boundaries are and stick to them regardless of what you may think someone else is judging you for or what they're pushing. And then at the same time, recognize that everyone has different boundaries around money and different capabilities and be kind and patient with what people are willing to work on with you. So for example, if everyone is asking you to chip in for... a friend's wedding gift and they're saying, hey, everyone give $50, but for you that's really a lot of money. You could say, listen, I would love to contribute, but based on my needs, I'm only able to give $25. And I hope that that's okay. If not, I'm gonna do something separately. Or going out to eat is a big one, and being prepared to, sometimes people are like, why don't we just all split it equally? And you may be like, I got a salad and one drink and everyone got. two drinks and steaks and I don't really want to do that and being able to say, listen, I really want to pay for just what I bought. And then on the opposite end, being open to hear what someone else might have to say in terms of how they want to split a bill because of their finances and what they actually did buy.

 

Bobbi Rebell:

And that goes to etiquette because a lot of people don't feel comfortable speaking up when the bill comes. Are there ways to head off that situation in advance so that you're not in that precarious situation?

 

Alyssa Mairanz:

Definitely. The key is, you know, don't wait for the bill to come when you're going out and after you order at some point, you know, you can already bring it up and just say, listen, this is, you know, what I feel comfortable with when the bill comes, what works for you or you guys, if it's multiple people and have that discussion. So you're not scrambling and rushing when the bill actually comes and everyone's just maybe potentially just throwing out credit cards and saying, let's just split this.

 

Bobbi Rebell:

Life is getting so expensive these days. Inflation is out of control. One thing that you talk about a lot is very practical ways and literally painless ways to save money. So for example, maybe you shouldn't order out at all, but let's say you do, right? There are still ways to save money and so you sort of feel in control of the ordering out experience a little bit more. You can keep the bill a little more contained. Share with us some of those strategies.

 

Alyssa Mairanz:

So, ordering out, I think, applies, it's important to say it applies to groceries and just ordering from a restaurant. And so thinking for yourself, maybe putting a boundary on how many times a week or a month that you're able to order out. So you're not saying I can't ever do this and setting unrealistic standards, but also looking at, well, what really is reasonable for you to do. And then you also can look for deals. Like if you go on Uber Eats or Seamless to order from foods, a lot of times you can look at what restaurants are having discounts and order that way. And then when it comes to groceries, a lot of times actually delivered groceries can really save you money even if you have a delivery fee because you really end up sticking just to your list, right? I know when I do online deliveries, you have to search for what you want rather than just walking up and down aisles and then grabbing all this extra stuff. and you go to the supermarket and you think, hey, I'll spend maybe $50. And then all of a sudden it could be 100, $200 later. And you're like, did I even really need this stuff?

 

Bobbi Rebell:

A lot of us love to order food delivery, but it's not always in our budget. Is there a way to kind of meander through that and figure out a way to make it work but still be cost-conscious? What tips do you have there?

 

Alyssa Mairanz:

There are definitely a few tips that you can keep in mind. And one of them is looking at delivery versus picking up. So if you're considering delivery, first look at what restaurants may be having deals and specials, what delivery places have a delivery fee in addition and what don't. And otherwise looking into, you know what, maybe go call the restaurant directly, pick up your food, prices can be lower. And it allows you to also go and look what restaurants have. in restaurant happy hour specials and things like that.

 

Bobbi Rebell:

And lunch specials. Always do. Sometimes the lunch specials last until like 3, 4 o'clock and then you move into happy hour, right?

 

Alyssa Mairanz:

Yeah, exactly. And so you can kind of do it back to back. And, you know, if you have the time, especially with a lot of people working from home now and you have a little more flexibility, you can go and say I'm picking up dinner that you may not eat till 6pm, but it's you get it at 3pm at a special and it's there and ready for you.

 

Bobbi Rebell:

Exactly. It's really hard. One of the big challenges moving into adulthood is managing all the logistics of just everyday life from different insurance and different responsibilities. How do people manage the stress and the tedious and endless to-do list, Alyssa, of things? I'm thinking about health insurance and all the nightmares that come with managing the bills. This is something you've covered on your social media frankly.

 

Alyssa Mairanz:

Yeah, it’s really hard and that's one of the biggest reasons I started adulting in the real world. And the first step is finding out that information, right? And so I'm trying to give everyone that information both on social media and more in detail in the course. And then the next step is really about being kind to yourself, knowing that you're not alone. This is a really hard process for everyone and giving yourself that patience and kindness and grace to be able to say. I need to learn this and I'll make some mistakes along the way and that's okay. And secondarily also looking for who you can ask for support, whether it's talking to friends and having that space to just vent about being in the same boat or if you have parents or family members that can give you some guidance, you know, anything like that.

 

Bobbi Rebell:

How open should people be, especially as they move through different stages of life, about their finances with people that they interact with in life? At what point do you say it all or should you keep it private? Because some of it is personal and you don't really want to expose yourself to everyone.

 

Alyssa Mairanz:

Definitely, It's really about knowing who you're talking to, right? And sticking to your comfort level. So I'm someone who is very open. And especially in the course, I like to share personal things so that people can learn. But everyone has to protect themselves and know how people are going to react. Parents are often the people you want to keep the most boundaries from because they have their own opinions. At the end of the day, it's really about what are you comfortable with and knowing that you're talking to someone who can provide a safe space where they won't judge you, they won't give you stressful unsolicited advice, and they'll just be there to support you.

 

Bobbi Rebell:

So what would be an example?

 

Alyssa Mairanz:

I mean, I talk a lot about debt I had when I was in my early to mid 20s, because I really had no idea how to navigate money. At the time, going around telling everyone, hey, I have X amount of money in debt is not really, you know, effective or helpful to me in any way. And I wouldn't recommend that to anyone. But I do know that I did share with my parents to some degree in terms of what they were able to help and support me with. and talking to friends to see what they do and if they have any advice or support. And so you really have to think about what are your needs, right? If you need to be able to share something to vent because you're stressed, who can you talk to that's a safe space? You need to share something to get advice. Who do you think might have some advice for you? Is there someone that you feel like usually if you bring this stuff up is going to make you feel worse? Stay away from talking to them about finances.

 

Bobbi Rebell:

And speaking of parents and parent support, one of the big controversies these days is that a lot of young people are moving home in large part because their parents can provide financial support. What is your advice to people, to young people especially, that are moving home in terms of knowing when they should exit? At what point should they say, no matter what, I'm not, well maybe not no matter what, but I'm at the point where I do not want to take parental support because parental support can really be incredibly effective in helping someone. create a financial foundation because you can save up money, maybe pay off your student debt, you can maybe build up a down payment for owning a home, whatever it may be. There's a real purpose to it, but where’s the line?

 

Alyssa Mairanz:

I mean I live with my parents till I was 26 and at my stage I was one of the last people still living with my parents and what it comes down to is How are you managing at home? Right? How much is it impacting your mental health if you find dealing with your parents and then projecting what they want on you or? Is everyone talking about just being in your business wanting to know your comings and goings? I know that was my biggest stress And it's really taking away from your ability to focus on other things or feel positive in your day to day, that's when you want to consider how can you exit. And another thing is maybe you actually have a really good home situation and it's working great for you, but you want to look at, are you just getting comfortable and allowing yourself to save just to save, but then the longer you let that go, the harder it's going to be to get out into the adult world. So looking at if you can really afford to exit and you're staying just because it's comfortable, really ask yourself maybe now is the time to try and see how you can slowly separate and become a little bit more independent.

 

Bobbi Rebell:

And it's interesting you bring up the perspective of your parents kind of being in your business, but at the same time, if they're supporting you financially, they may feel they're entitled to be in your business.

 

Alyssa Mairanz:

Definitely you know, and individually everyone has to figure out what boundaries make sense with their parents But that's the key is there is some entitlement when you're living with them, right? You are under their roof They're financially supporting you and that's why rather than saying how can I make this work and set my boundaries? It might be more you know What the best way to set boundaries is say you're gonna try to find a different living situation if you're able to work that out financially

 

Bobbi Rebell:

What does that conversation look like with your parents? Especially if they say, but if you need money, you should still be at home. You can't afford to move out and maybe you're gonna make the compromises you need to make, maybe a lot of roommates, whatever it may be. Maybe you won't live the same lifestyle level as your parents. Sometimes parents kind of insist that they don't want you to kind of level down on your lifestyle. How do you advise people to manage that?

 

 

 

The key there is recognizing that your parents, at the end of the day, usually do want what's best for you and may not really be open to a conversation and they're just gonna tell you what they want. And so the bottom line is to say, thank you for perspective, I will take that under consideration. But at the end of the day, I'm gonna do what feels right for myself and I hope you can support me.

 

Bobbi Rebell:

I love that. Where can people get in touch with you and find out more.

 

 

Alyssa Mairanz:

you can find out more and get in touch with me on the website, adultinginthererialworld.com. And we also have a social media, adultinginthererialworld is the handle, so you can check us out there as well.

 

Bobbi Rebell:

Thank you so much!

 

Alyssa Mairanz:

Thank you, it was great talking!

 

Bobbi Rebell:

We all want to live our best financial grownup lives and one way to do that is to know that the people we care about are also in a good place when it comes to their money. That might mean our kids, our grandkids and yes- even our friends. But how. Its’ awkward. You see them struggling- pretending to know more than they do- or making bad money decisions but don’t know what to say- and even if you say something supportive- then what? That’s why I wrote Launching Financial Grownups. In Launching Financial Grownups I share the tools and strategies so you know what to say to take the pressure off and give those you love the confidence they need. It's about giving those we care about the right amount of help, at the right time- so they can not only learn what they need to know about being financial grownups- but also be confident they can do it- and that you will be there to cheer them on. Pick up a copy of Launching Financial Grownups - I promise you will be so happy you did. 

 

That last point about there being some entitlement for young people being at home is really on point. And the truth is these are hard decisions. It may make more sense financially and on a practical level to live at home and save money but Alyssa points out that sometimes taking your lifestyle down a level if that’s where you are in terms of your adult life makes sense. That push to leave may come more from the younger generation than what we think of as the typical push which has in the past come from the parents. 

This week’s extra credit assignment in honor of all the graduations going on: Watch my friend Terri Trespicio’s ted talk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CJ_Ox3XkQ8 Stop Looking for Your Passion or read her book unfollow your passion https://territrespicio.com/unfollow/

She reframes how we think about where we put our focus as we move through different life stages and really helps us focus on getting on with our life. I am constantly recommending her book to people because I myself circle back to it when I’m feeling a little lost with my own life goals. 

Let me know what you think- about Terri’s content and also my interview with Alyssa Mairanz. DM me on instagram at bobbirebell1 and please follow me as well. And for more financial grownup content - free- get on my newsletter list at bobbirebell.substack.com or click on the button on my website bobbirebell.com where you can also find show notes with links to the things we mention here on the podcast- including Alyssa Mairanz Adulting in the Real World course.

That’s all for this week- big thanks to Alyssa Mairanz- for helping us all be financial grownups and invest in peace of mind. 

 
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